Page 49 of Under Your Spell

‘No, pretty is good,’ he says, looking down at the notebook. ‘Pretty is actually just right.’

‘Oh,’ I say. ‘Well, good.’

We both fall quiet then and I go back to staring at my screen. This time I don’t risk letting my subconscious take the wheel. Especially because my subconscious seems to have an unfortunate interest in the man who is my friend, my work acquaintance. Nothing more.

‘Can I ask you something?’ Theo asks.

‘Sure.’

‘What is the whole thing with you and music? You had that strange argument with Serena about it on her birthday.’

‘Ah.’ I clear my throat. ‘That.’

‘Yes, that.’

‘It’s a bit hard to explain. I know it’s sort of weird…’ I trail off.

Theo pats the sofa beside him. ‘Step into my office,’ he says. ‘You tell me your weird and I’ll tell you mine.’

I can’t help smiling at that. ‘You’re supposed to be working,’ I remind him.

‘I am working,’ he says. ‘Talking helps. It’s all… simmering in the background.’

I decide not to question why I’m so happy to accept that reasoning, to pick up the cold cup of tea I’ve been nursing and take it over to the sofa. I don’t sit right next to him – extremely proud of myself for establishing such a boundary – and I pull my feet up settling cross-legged, almost across from him on the corner seat.

‘So,’ he says, strumming his guitar dramatically, ‘Clementine Monroe and music. The true story.’

‘I mean it’s not very interesting.’ I begin hesitantly. ‘I don’t like listening to music. I’d just never come home and put the radio on, or go and listen to live music or anything like that.’

‘What happens if you hear music?’ Theo asks.

I laugh. ‘It’s not like kryptonite. Nothing happens. I don’t have a meltdown if I hear music. I hear it all the time, obviously. Music is everywhere, I just don’t… seek it out or pay attention to it. I know Lil’s music and I’ve been to see her play a few times, but otherwise…’ I shrug.

‘Mmmm.’ Theo tilts his head. ‘Glad to hear that my playing isn’t going to strip you of your superpowers. But there must be more to it than that? Did you always feel that way?’

I shift uncomfortably. ‘No. When we were growing up there was music in the house all the time. My mum was a singer and she plays the piano.’ I look at him and he nods.

‘I know your mum,’ he says. ‘I mean I don’t know her, but I know who she is. I’m a big fan of hers, actually. It’s gutting that she stopped so young – her first album was brilliant.’

Theo can’t know that his words hurt, but something in my face must give it away because he frowns. ‘What did I say?’ he asks.

‘Nothing.’ I shake my head, fix a smile on my face. ‘She was a wonderful musician; it’s great that you like her music.’

‘Okaaaay,’ Theo draws the word out, clearly unsure what is going on.

I clear my throat. ‘Anyway, thanks to Mum there was always music. She loved Fleetwood Mac, Simon and Garfunkel, Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell… you know, anything with that sort of folky, story-telling feeling. She wrote her own music too.’

‘She definitely had a Stevie Nicks vibe,’ Theo muses.

‘That’s why Stevie was our favourite,’ I agree. ‘Serena, Lil and me, I mean. We used to love listening to Mum’s album best – the one she made – but her Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac records were a close second.’ I smile. ‘They were the soundtrack to all our witchy happenings.’

Theo’s own mouth lifts in response.

‘Anyway, Mum listened to all sorts and so did we. Petty was basically a teenager and she was in a real grunge phase, mad about Nirvana; Ava’s always been into classical music, and they made sure we had all Ripp’s albums too, that we knew what our dad did. That we were… proud of him.’ I clear my throat. ‘Me and music, it was uncomplicated for a long time. Normal.’

‘So what changed?’

‘My dad,’ I say, fiddling with the sofa cushion. ‘It’s not that much of a mystery. My relationship with him deteriorated pretty sharply when I was a teenager and could finally see his bullshit for what it was.’