Page 68 of Holding Hope

She tugged at her wrist, but I held on.

“Please stop, Avalon. I don’t want to hear this. So what if you were thinking of me? You were still kissing her.”

Her voice cracked.

Her eyes shimmered.

Was she about to cry?

“It does matter,” I insisted. “I only went in that room because I saw you with⁠—”

“With what, Avalon?” she snapped. “If you saw me, why didn’t you stop? Why wasn’t that enough to make you change your mind?”

I shook my head and stepped back, releasing her wrist.

“No. I didn’t go through with it. I saw you under the lights and—and you had lipstick on your mouth…”

Clarke frowned, fingers lifting to her lips. Her tongue darted out, as if remembering a taste.

“Now you’re not making any sense. If you’re implying I kissed someone tonight, you’re mistaken.”

But I had seen it.

The smeared red stain across her mouth — too messy for Clarke King, perfectionist extraordinaire.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to pull the memory forward. I knew what I’d seen. I knew.

Otherwise, I’d ruined everything for nothing.

“But I was so sure,” I whispered, shame crawling over my skin. “I wouldn’t have gone into that room if I hadn’t been.”

If I hadn’t thought she’d kissed someone else, I would’ve used whatever confidence I had left and thrown Jonas’ stupid idea out the window.

I didn’t need meaningless sex with strangers.

I needed to get Clarke out of my head — and if sleeping with her was the only way to do that, then fine.

The sooner the better.

“It’s been torture, Clarke,” I said, pressing my palms to my temples. “Being around you and not being able to touch you or—or kiss you.”

She stared at me, wide-eyed.

“You’ve been a constant thought in my head. Everywhere I go, something reminds me of you, and I hate it.”

Clarke’s lips parted, confusion washing over her face.

“I’m confused… you’re saying one thing but contradicting yourself by saying you hate it⁠—”

“Yes, because this is what you do to me, Clarke!”

My voice rose—not anger, but desperation. A force of habit when I was frustrated and at my wits end. “Can’t you see that?”

I stepped closer, my voice softer now. “It’s confusing because I can’t read you. I don’t know what you want.”

She pressed back against the wall, chest rising and falling too fast.

“I want…”