Page 71 of This Prince Is Not Charming

“This is silly,” I said, not remotely wanting to delve into this. It didn’t matter if Cillian had feelings for me, which he didn’t. We couldn’t be together.

Meera peered up at me. “We’re waiting,” she said.

I huffed. “Okay, fine. Before Cillian became high prince, we were best friends. We always had been. And as we got older, I started thinking that maybe there was something between us. A spark. But I was young and afraid to say anything in case I was wrong. I didn’t want to humiliate myself. Then there was this one day. Things had been weird between us for a month or so, Cillian seeming distracted when we were together, and I’d catch him staring at me a lot.”

“Yeah, staring at those breasts, probably.” Marsten pointed at my cleavage. “I mean, I’m not even attracted to you, and I know that you have perfect breasts.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know that, but I never thought Cillian did. Anyway,” I said, “one day, he burst into my dress shop and said that he couldn’t hide it any longer, that he had something he wanted to tell me. I thought maybe he was going to admit his feelings for me.”

Marsten’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, this is juicy. So what happened?”

“He never got a chance to tell me. The crown appeared over his head, and he became high prince.”

Meera’s whiskers twitched. “What does that have to do with anything? Are you telling me that all these years, you two could have just admitted your feelings for each other and I wouldn’t have to be going through these ridiculous trials?”

“No,” I said, exasperated. “That’s not—it’s⁠—”

Godwitches, I wasn’t sure why this was so hard to talk about, but suddenly, I didn’t care. I was tired of missing out on everything and everyone. They’d come here tonight. They cared about me. So I could share this piece of my life with them.

“I didn’t want Cillian to admit his feelings for me. I convinced myself he’d been about to tell me something else, and I, in turn, pushed all my feelings away.”

“Why?” Marsten asked. “I don’t understand. You two are clearly perfect for each other.”

Here it went. The truth. I’d never told anyone this other than Cillian. “I can’t leave my father. He’s ill. After we lost my mother and sister, something in him broke. He’s afraid to leave the house, afraid of me leaving. It’s not something that can be fixed.”

I’d tried. Cillian had called on some of the best professionals, sending couriers to towns all over Aubergn to see if anyone could help my father.

“I can’t leave him. I won’t,” I said. “It’s not an option.”

“Not even to go to the castle?” Meera wrinkled her nose.

Here it was. The judgment.

I shook my head. “The castle terrifies him. It’s full of magic. It shifts and moves people and rooms. My father needs routine, consistency, safety. The castle has none of that. He’d never move there with me, and as long as Cillian is high prince . . .”

“You can’t be with him,” Marsten said, understanding lighting his eyes.

“There has to be a solution,” Meera said. “You can’t be telling me absolutely nothing can be done.”

Except that was exactly what I was saying. I shrugged helplessly. “Cillian deserves better than someone who can’t even be with him. He’s been using drugs all these years, and I never even knew. I’m supposed to be his best friend. Above everyone, I should’ve known.”

“Unless you were the one person he especially didn’t want to know.” Marsten nudged me. “You can’t blame yourself, Ceri. And Cillian would be a lucky, lucky man to have you in any capacity.”

“I agree,” Meera said. “He’s a five at best. You’re a twelve.”

“I actually agree for once.” Marsten tipped his head. “Well, except Cillian is probably at least an eight.”

I laughed.

“Don’t give up hope,” he said, letting out a yawn. “Oh, goodness. I’m tired. All this looking fabulous has drained me.”

“Oh, godwitches,” Meera mumbled. “You know, I took a bath today. Does anyone notice how glossy my fur is?”

Marsten stood. “It’s late. We should be getting home, and you need some sleep before you visit your prince tomorrow.”

“What?” I asked.

Meera pointed a claw at me. “You have to visit him. Even I know that.”