Page 74 of Love Always

I need to get him alone for just a moment to make sure he’s okay, that Devon didn’t hurt his feelings.

Turns out I had nothing to worry about. When we get to the bottom step, I can see whitecaps behind the glass. It’s stormy. The swells are high and the white froth floats like a mirage against the darkness. I start to open the door, but he pushes it shut, and me up against it. Dipping his head, he nuzzles my ear, drinking me in and my legs literally go weak. I curl my fingers in his belt loops and pull his pelvis towards mine.

“I’m going to think about you all night.” He presses gently against me, just enough, so I can feel the pressure of his groin against mine. We kiss, and I can taste him, and breathe him in, the smell of salt air and soap. He’s so sexy and he sucks in my breath and breathes me out as I wrap both my arms around his neck.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” he says. “You make the coffee and I’ll bring whatever Chloe will let me steal.”

After he leaves, Devon is demurely doing dishes in the sink. My dishes, Cory’s dishes and she’s had a full day of fighting fires. I feel like it’s almost a punishment. Be direct.

“Why were you asking him if he’s the best person to keep an eye on me.”

“I didn’t know how else to ask. In my experience, it’s just better to put all your cards on the table.”

I take a deep breath and try to be the loving person I want to be. I want to be present in the moment. I put an arm around her, and it startles her.

“What?” she says, wiping her hands on her pants. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m going to put my cards on the table. Mateus and I are not just hooking up. There’s something there and I haven’t felt anything like this since Kenny.”

“Kenny Pratchett? Oh yeah, I remember him. He was a couple of grades below me? Your class.”

“Yeah.”

“He was killed right? Training accident?”

“Yes. Three or so years after Mom and Dad.”

Devon’s eyes grow wide. “Oh baby, I’m sorry. I never thought about the timeline. I was gone by then.”

“What I’m trying to say,” getting side railed by Devon is a regular occurrence with me. I try to start down one path and she always jerks me to a different one. “What I’m trying to say is that Mateus and I are … we’re special, there’s something special about this so please don’t fuck it up for me.”

Her eyes widen further. “I wouldn’t.”

“Then what’s the whole ‘are you good enough to guard her discussion about’? His leg? I don’t think Finn, Nic, and Bryce would ask him to be my detail—isn’t that the word they use? Detail? If they thought he physically couldn’t do it.”

Devon takes that flat mane of hair and pulls it to one side in front of her shoulder and hangs on to it. It’s a habit she’s had since she was a kid. It’s what she does when she feels she’s hurt somebody. It’s like her hair is a piece of rope to hang onto for dear life.

“That’s not what I meant at all,” she says, and her eyes grow bright, suddenly glittering. “I asked that question because he does care for you, and you care for him and sometimes, believe me—I speak from experience—sometimes that’s not the best situation. If he’s thinking about you, he’s not thinking about his safety, and if you’re thinking about him, you’re not thinking about your safety. Both of you could be compromised. It’s not about his leg. Jesus.”

I even felt more guilty. “How far did you get in that conversation because it sounded to me like it was about,” and I gesture down to my leg.

“I had already said what I just said to you.”

I put my hands up to my forehead and rest my elbows on the sink. “I am so sorry, Devon. It just sounded like you were asking about his leg and it was embarrassing to me and I don’t really know how to be around him all the time because of that, and I’m being overly protective.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I love you,” she says.

And then, quite to my surprise, she turns, puts the tea towel down, and wraps her little powerful arms around me, and just holds me. We just stand there for a long time.

΅

I sleep like a rock all night. Apparently, Devon woke with Cory and got him dressed. With a mug of coffee in one hand, I make pancakes for the three of us, bacon and some scrambled eggs. Cory is a little fussy getting on his clothes, and can’t understand why, once again, wearing the clothes from yesterday is a bad idea. I have learned just to buy him four pairs of pants in two different colors, and five different shirts in two different colors. It makes arguing about clothing so much easier.

The bus is a smidge late and by the time it pulls in, at eight forty, I’m starting to sweat. My fake arrest is supposed to take place around nine thirty and I don’t want them coming early. As the bus pulls away, I see Cory starting to wave out the window first at me and then his head raises and he waves harder to Mateus as he rounds the front of the bus and stands next to me. He has a bag of goodies in one hand. Mateus waves back and the bus pulls away.

I breeze into the store. “Lindy, I’m getting two coffees,” I say. There’s no response. I take the bag from him, he grabs the coffees, and we trip back up the stairs. Breathing in the smell of warm muffins, Devon is delighted at the carbo loading this morning. I will need to run at some point when this is over.

I can’t concentrate even though Mateus is trying to be completely congenial and warm. The three blueberry muffins he brought are delicious. I know my other sisters are desperate to be with me but that would look suspicious.