Page 69 of Love Always

“You mean grieving, an orphan, and scared?”

She leans her head into the crook of my shoulder. “No, not exactly, but that’s sweet. No. I just thought they’d hate me or would think I was trying to get money out of them. I just decided not to tell them that first year. Then one year turned to two, two years turned three, and now Cory’s five and I still haven’t said anything to them.”

“Do you think you should?”

Her voice is small, muffled behind her hand which is suddenly covering her mouth and I’m sure tears are starting again. “Probably.”

I kiss her a third time on the top of her head, pull her little closer and say, “You are an amazing mother, you’re a survivor, and not only that, you’re thriving. You have every right to be proud of what you’ve accomplished, and you need to forgive that high school girl. In terms of the grandparents, you’ll decide one day whether to tell them or not. If you ever want me to weigh in on this decision, you just let me know.”

Her face tilts up to mine. I feel her gaze. “You don’t think it’s too late? Like I’ve already screwed it up?”

I sigh and think of my own family and how we don’t speak. How my sister’s death tore us apart and how frustrated I am with the wasted time. “I think truth sometimes takes a while, but you’ll know when it’s right.”

I leave to take the extra room at the clinic before Devon returns. I don’t want to leave Laurel or Cory, but I can’t really stay here either. Devon seems to have an inexplicable interest in her sister’s sex life, and I’m not ready to be teased or have us and whatever this is between us, batted around like a ping pong ball. This feels too special, too unbelievably real, and I’d like this to just be a universe of three right now, without others weighing in.

When it comes right down to it, what I’m really trying to avoid is the Big-Brother-Talk Bryce will inevitably give me when he finds out.

΅

This strategy works for a few weeks. October rolls into early November. Colleen’s case remains open, with few leads, or at least leads Detective Carlson is willing to share. Kevin Barr has not returned to the school and, at my encouragement, the Russo’s lawyer sent a cease-and-desist letter to the asshole, which may have helped. Laurel is sure Kevin Barr has no idea Kenny Pratchett is Cory’s father, though I’m not so sure. When she tells me Kevin’s working for the Pratchett’s, I’m even more convinced there’s a connection. Even more interesting is my discreet discovery that Shirley Pratchett, his mother, is also a judge.

The wall of shiny pinwheels comes down at the school and Cory stops soiling his clothes. He starts sharing at school and his behavior improves. I take Laurel to interview aides and she selects one, a bright grad student in special ed with a sweet smile split with the remnant of a hair lip that Cory finds beguiling. He likes touching her lips.

It’s amazing too, to watch how the Russos come together. Finn with Claire, and to see Bryce, so content, his arm around Chloe, living with her on Rock Island—it was worth it all to see him in this place.

Finally, Professor Cruz turns out to be all bluff and no game which is fine by me. My one measured threat was enough to cool his heels and he stopped texting Laurel or making advances toward her. It probably helped that I sat in class with her in the back and glared at him the entire time.

But by early November, our cover is blown, mostly by Devon, who for obvious reasons can easily deduce why I am over there all the time. What she initially witnessed the aftermath of, is clearly not a one-night stand. But it is not some weird revelation like it would have been in my family—no. This is like settling into a comfortable old chair. I just become a part of them—even Geo Hamilton, the other veterinarian who became their guardian, starts treating me like family.

It scares me a little because I love Laurel so fiercely, so deeply, I want to be sure it has nothing to do with feeling like I belong here with them all—but the two are intertwined. I’ve had to go to Boston to get refitted once—I’ve put on more muscle working out in Portland and in the basement gym at The Inn. Finn and I are almost lifting identical weights and we spot each other. At first, I thought it was weird, being that close to my boss, but it seems natural and so easy.

Jackson proves himself to be a source of endless entertainment. He is at least five years younger than me and really just a funny guy. He has a great relationship with the Russos and every young woman up and down Main Street who works in any little shop is in love with him. He approached me once about rooming together in Portland, and I nicely turned him down. It was a few days later that someone gave him the memo about me and Laurel, and he teased me about it for two weeks.

I’ve been invited to Thanksgiving. I haven’t been to a Thanksgiving with family, any family, in years. Laurel and I were chatting with Claire while she was graining Salty and the invitation and acceptance was assumed. I couldn’t speak for a moment and Laurel took my hand. The dinner be held at The Inn. There would be other guests: Emily and Ralph Burke from across the street, a woman named Millie who had miniature horses, even Lindy from the store if her flight got cancelled and she couldn’t visit her kids. Then, of course Bryce, Finn and Nic, the last of which kind of surprises me. When I ask Nic where his family is he says Boston, but there’s a look on his face and I know not to ask why he isn’t having Thanksgiving with them.

He returns the favor.

By now, Finn’s decided the threat to Laurel is diminished and she needs no detail. I’m put on airport security and spend much of my time at the Portland Jetport. It’s the week and a half before Thanksgiving when the shit hits the fan. That’s when Colleen’s murder case breaks open.

΅

When my phone rings, everyone in the meeting frowns. I’m in the middle of a PowerPoint presentation about guard rotation at the Jetport when I glance down and see Detective Carlson’s number. I turn the ringer off and text him back. Forty-five minutes later, I’m on the phone with him.

“You need to come to the station immediately.”

The drive up the coast is chaotic. My phone blows up with texts from Laurel, Finn, Bryce, and even Jackson. They all have to do with hearing from Carlson, but I’m the only one asked to come in.

Then I get a call from Nic. He’s already at the station, summoned up from Boston. This does not “bode well” as my abuela used to say.

The station is fairly empty for a Wednesday, and no comparison to L.A. County P.D., with its constant stream of crises, victims, and perps. Carlson’s office is in the back. He and Nic look up when I enter. I shake my head at his offer of black coffee from a clearly-needs-to-be-mothballed Mr. Coffee in the corner.

“We finally caught a break.” He rubs his face.

I must have looked surprised.

“Normally I wouldn’t be pulling you two in, but … well, Nic can tell you.”

Nic glances at me and his expression is troubled. “It involves Laurel.”