Page 68 of Love Always

I can’t remember and shrug. “It doesn’t matter why anyway. It’s his dad who’s scary.”

Mateus kisses the back of my hand. “Don’t be scared of him.”

“Oliver Raymond Barr killed my parents and got off by making it sound like it was my parents’ fault. The guy is awful. He’s ruined my family once. I don’t want to give him a chance to do it again.”

Mateus takes a sip of wine and sets the glass down. “I know but you’ve got to trust the process a little bit. One paternity suit and it’s over.”

“In the meantime, it comes out that I’ve slept with Kevin? I don’t think my family would ever forgive me. He’s already said he will tell them.”

“There is a pretty straightforward way around this, but it’s not simple.”

There’s a knot in my stomach, and the two meatballs I ate churn. There’s a long silence and I’m so afraid I know what he’s thinking. His next question, though posed like a statement, proves me right.

“Who’s Cory’s father.”

Chapter Fourteen

Mateus

I know the question is hard. Even her sisters don’t know, or they’ve all been sworn to secrecy. It came up once, last month when I overheard Claire tell Finn what a handful Laurel was in high school, sleeping around. The impression I got was Claire didn’t know who Cory’s father was either.

I think she thinks I care that she slept around. I don’t. That risky behavior was her method of dealing with her parents’ death. It doesn’t define her, and it doesn’t make her a bad person. What I want to know now, what’s important now, is naming Cory’s father. It could be that Kevin Barr knew, somehow, and is trying to punish not Laurel, but someone else.

She suddenly grows small and leans back into the cushions. “You can’t tell anyone, Mateus. You can’t. This town is so small, smaller than you think. Even Portland is small.”

“Oh, I know, I get it.”

“I’m not sure you do. I mean,” and now she rubs her hands on her jeans and leans forward slightly. “You’re from Southern California. L.A. You could drive for hours and not see anybody you know. Here, I can’t even go out on the sidewalk without bumping into someone who’s not only known me, but knows all about my sisters, my brother, my friends, Geo, and when I had my tonsils out. We all know who lived in each other’s houses, who has had cancer, surgeries, affairs. I mean it. We know a lot about each other here. You can’t repeat this to anyone.”

I kiss the top of her head. “I’m a vault. I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”

Her sigh is shaky, and she takes another sip of wine before setting the glass down. “His name was Kenny Pratchett. We were both high school seniors that fall, though I didn’t finish. We ran cross country together. He was the only boy in high school who I think really loved me if you can call it love.”

“How did you feel about him?”

“He was cute and sweet, but I couldn’t love anyone then. I didn’t love myself and I was grieving for my parents. Then Chloe disappeared and I was really lost. Travis was so young, and I felt like I was supposed to look after him and I just couldn’t. I was really a mess. But the thing about Kenny is, he didn’t care. He’d hear all these terrible things about me, and he just fell in love with me anyway.”

I feel a small kinship with this man I’ll probably never meet and say nothing and just kiss her again. Her body relaxes against the sofa cushions and I trace the outline of her chin with my finger.

Taking a deep breath, she plows on. “His parents are rich and they both worked, and we’d go to his house after school. Claire made sure I was on the pill, but I ran out, didn’t get a refill, and I got pregnant in late May but didn’t know it. In the meantime, he’d signed up for the Army ROTC and after graduation, he shipped out and went to boot camp. We wrote letters and he called a few times but, by then, I’d moved on.”

What she meant, was she was sleeping with other boys.

“By August I found out I was pregnant. I don’t know if you remember but there was a training accident where three recruits were killed about six years ago? He was one of those boys.”

I rub her arm, watching goosebumps rise. I tip her face to mine and press my lips against hers. Her mouth is salty from a few silent tears.

“I found out I was pregnant two weeks before he died. I had started a letter to tell him and to explain I was going to have an abortion. It was my choice and thank God I had that choice. But then when he died … I just changed my mind. I felt like I couldn’t do that to him.”

I’ll let her take another sip of wine before I press her with another question. “And you’ve kept all this from your family?”

“It’s just easier. I know that’s selfish. Kenny’s parents still live here, right in Saxton’s Bay. They work in Camden and never come into town. The one time Mr. Pratchett came into Weavers, I made sure he never saw Cory. I never told them I was pregnant.”

“Do you want to?”

I can tell she thinks the question has been answered a long time ago and revisiting it might make her come up with a different answer.

“They’d hate me even more. They knew what kind of girl I was.”