Page 53 of Love Always

“If it helps at all, you look adorable in that jacket.”

It’s an old purple light down windbreaker thing with a fur fringed hood.

It doesn’t help, but it’s nice.

Saying something causes PTSD is a strong statement and ever since Finn and Bryce showed up, who are ex-military, I’ve been reluctant to use it, so I won’t, but triggered, is a good word as in, “these halls still trigger me.” Because they do.

Although Principal Thompson is very different from Principal Dooley, who was short, wiry and mean, with a brilliant red, beehive hairdo and long red nails, I still feel like I’m the one getting called to the office. I guess I am.

They are waiting for me, and although there’s supposed to be a fourth person, the social worker has not arrived yet. I like Mindy, but she seems to miss fifty percent of the conferences.

Principal Thompson, in his forties, with gleaming teeth, a wide smile and a roll-up-my-shirt-sleeves-and-let-me-help-you kind of demeanor, is sporting none of these at the moment. In fact, he runs a hand through his salt and pepper hair. His face looks grim and his suit jacket is pressed. No rolling up sleeves today, I can tell.

Ms. Kram looks like she just swallowed a lemon. There’s a tablet in her lap on top of three manila folders, and she keeps touching them as if she’s part of a spy ring and nervous about forking over information. A giant school clock hangs on the wall behind Principal Thompson’s desk, reminding everyone who enters what time it is and to be prompt, don’t linger, and to respect his time. As he sits with his back to the wall, I don’t know how he tracks his own time.

We all know each other, so I just take a seat in a school chair. Principal Thompson drags his swivel chair out from behind his desk, so the three of us are much closer together and there are no barriers between us.

I wish there were barriers though, the kind where they can’t see me. It feels surreal to be here speaking with them, when less than half an hour ago, I was showing my texts and the note left on my car to that detective and explaining why I didn’t touch Colleen’s body, how I knew she was dead.

I just knew. I saw my parents’ bodies, just hours after their crash. Travis and I went with Geo to identify them. Travis didn’t go in, but I did. I was fifteen and thought I needed to see for myself.

I didn’t, I shouldn’t, and Geo knew better than I did what a bad idea that was. So that’s how I knew, but I didn’t tell the detective that.

“Cory’s a fine boy, but he's struggling in the classroom, and Ms. Kram has taken some time out of her curriculum planning hour to sit with us and maybe go over a few things.”

“I just want to say I requested an IEP before he began, and I think it was shortsighted to deny it.”

“We’re not here to affix blame, Ms. Russo. Ms. Kram and I agree that now there are enough issues to develop an IEP and, of course, you are an integral part of that.”

“I know you don’t want to ‘affix blame,’ but that little boy, who was so happy for school to start and was finally making behavior changes, is struggling now because no one listens to me.”

I roll my shoulders and sit up straighter. I remember sitting in this exact chair when I was hauled out of class for almost giving Ted Rulfo a blow job in the janitor’s closet. I know it’s the same chair because I can feel the raw tear in the fiberglass under my fingertips when I grip the seat.

“Cory has soiled himself three times this morning already and I’ve borrowed clothing from another little boy. We tried to contact you to tell you to bring another zip lock bag of pants, shirts and underwear. But you were unavailable.” Ms. Kram is clearly annoyed.

“I’m sorry. I was in another meeting.” The last thing I want them to know is that I am talking to the police about a murder.

“We also tried to get his father—”

My head snaps up. “What?”

“I know it’s a little unusual, but we needed extra clothes.”

My face begins to grow hot. “He has no father. I don’t know who you’re talking to, but stop. My son is legally mine. I have sole custody and no one can pretend to be his father. I have my sister Claire on file as an authorized adult.”

I realize now, I should add them all to the card. Chloe, Claire, Devon, Travis and then, despite myself, I think: let Mateus and Bryce, Finn and Nic show up and scare the shit out of them both. They all would have Cory’s back. For the first time I realize that maybe these guys are really family.

“So, Kevin Barr—”

“Kevin Barr is not his father, never was his father and has no legal claim to him. You are not to talk to him about my son ever. Ever.” My voice is shaking. What the hell was Kevin doing? Why did he contact the school?

I try to calm down and shift to asking questions: “When did he first contact you?”

Principal Thompson looks sheepish while Ms. Kram straightens her back in a clear indication of some victory. I realize suddenly she was the one who must have had my back and refused Kevin’s claim and it was Principal Thomson who caved. Most do. You don’t mess with Judge Barr or his kid.

“About a month ago. He wanted to have lunch with Cory.”

“And you didn’t contact me?”