Page 14 of Stone’s Cage

Suddenly, my blood starts pounding in my ears. And I realize there's a reason Lily showed up. A reason she asked about my tattoo.

"What's her name?"

"What man? Why do you want to know?"

Grabbing him by his shirt, I throw him up against the brick wall of the building. His passivity makes me angrier.

"What's her name?"

"Let go of me motherfucker. It's Lily." I release him and he tries to straighten his shirt. "But she ain't no white lily. The bitch is Black Widow. Heavy on the black."

My breath catches and I'm sick to my stomach. Night is just beginning to settle.

"Half an hour asshole, if you want some."

I start off down the alley for the street, leaving Juice behind.

"He's gotta get her ready," he yells. "Wait up."

I hit the street, pull up my hood and start running. Lily has no idea how much she needs me.

The basement bar, Jimmi's, is loud, with both pool tables up ended and shoved against the wall. Close to a dozen gang members have shown up, all Hooks, a stinking, gruesome group. I scan the room, knowing I won't see her. She'd be in the back room with Shreves and Tipper and some other asshole lieutenants. The smell of old beer and urine makes my eyes water and the guys are all loud, the pack mentality settling in. I see the dice on the bar top. One small, grubby die is set aside.

That five I rolled at thirteen nearly killed me. Every gang member that showed up to the initiation got to beat the shit out of me at the same time for five minutes. One of them ruptured my spleen. But I lived. One of them broke my arm. But I lived. And now they're going to initiate her, Lily, the girl who uses "peripatetic," and appreciates small favors and rescues kittens.

She has no idea what is about to happen to her. The office door opens and she steps out, a beer bottle in her hand, looking wary, but not scared. I know there's no rufie in that bottle. They want her to know what is about to happen to her. A bunch of guys cat-call her, but I don't think she's noticed, she's too busy taking it all in, almost like she's trying to memorize every detail. For later. Is this her "research?" I swallow hard and then Shreves sees me.

"You in bro?" he grins his lopsided grin.

My heart pounds and I see her looking at me, not with surprise, but what was that? Disappointment?

"Juice says I get to roll."

"You can roll it my man, if, and this is the deal," he says, taking hold of Lily's arm, and whispering in my ear, "You're back."

Lily tries to shrug him off, but he's got that huge maw paw on her thin arm and I want to kill him. Trying to make eye contact with her, trying to will her to see how much danger she's in, proves a waste of time. She won't look at me. I pick up the die and roll it between my hands.

The guys begin a chant. "Birdie, birdie, birdie," and my palms are sweating. They start cheering and it’s smoky and gross and the place reeks of cigarettes and weed, smelling like it's been skunked. The underground bar is swirling in an ethnic mix of everyone. The only other white guys here both have swastikas tattooed on their arms. Prisons turn people into racists. You have to be, or you die. And now they are all united over Lily.

Coach saved me from prison. At fifteen he started trotting me out into the ring. I just had to tell everyone I was eighteen so I could fight. He saved me from being one of these guys. It took him another eight years, but he got me out. They kept trying to pull me back. And that's what Shreves is trying to do. Even yesterday. That's why Coach got right in his face and told him to leave. Shreves won’t touch Coach and as long as I'm with Coach he won’t touch me. Coach has some shit on Shreves, and it's all a big secret.

I threw fights for Shreves for years. That was my job. Sly W. set up the bets and I'd throw the fights. Then Coach took me out. Now I still throw fights, but on my terms and I keep it a secret.

Coach would kill us both if he saw this scene. If he knew rolling the die meant I'd be back in with the Hooks, he might walk away from me. After all he's done to keep me safe, to fall back in with them would be such a betrayal.

This girl is going to cost me. She's going to cost me so much.

She has no idea.

Raising my voice so Shreves can hear me in his good ear, I yell, "You want me back?"

"What else are you here for?"

"I roll and I call it."

Shaking his head, he tightens his hold on Lily and I see fear begin to root in her face. She glances at me.

"You roll, I call it," he says with another grin.