Page 66 of The Best Ex of My Life

‘Do you want me to stop?’

My whole body is aching for more, and I arch myself closer to him in answer.

‘No.’

He begins to explore, and a deep sigh escapes me. I bite down on my lip, but it’s not enough to stop his name coming out as a whisper, and it’s his turn to moan. I don’t want to give into this pleasure just yet, but the more intense it gets, the more powerless I am to keep it at bay, and when his tongue stops lightly flickering and begins to press against me in a quick, urgent rhythm, I surrender. Elliot keeps his mouth where it is, one hand grips the back of my thigh, while the other palm rests flat against my stomach so he can feel my body convulsing. I’m breathless when his tongue begins to trail back up my body, and so is he. Our eyes meet again, and I’m shocked how dilated his are, how much doing that did for him as well as me.

‘Are you OK?’ he asks, not under full control of his voice. I nod, and he kisses me again, this time joining me when I drop down onto the bed. We lie next to each other, and his thigh wraps around mine as I arch towards him. Muscle memory. He rolls me over until I’m under him, holding his weight on his elbows so he can lean back and look at me. How can I ever tell myself there’s anything wrong with this? He brushes his knuckles over my cheek. When he lowers himself to kiss me again, I can feel his heart beating against mine. Only this time it’s different.

That first night together was frantic. Fast and frantic and wonderful. This isn’t that. We’ve slowed down now. We reverse all the way back to those first tender kisses in his lounge, wanting to take time back so this will never have to end.

Chapter27 Eighteen months earlier

What the hell have I done?

I stay perfectly still, not daring to open my eyes and look to the left side of the bed to face up to what happened. Cold cotton brushes against my skin, reminding me I’m naked under the sheets. I’d like to fix that by putting on the thickest pyjamas I own, but it would mean stopping pretending I’m asleep, and that I can’t do. He’s awake now – it must have been his shuffling next to me that woke me. I wait for him to get up, to quickly dress and creep out of my bedroom, but he doesn’t get out of bed. Instead, he shuffles so he’s sitting, and he waits.

It becomes even more excruciating lying here pretending to fake sleep while I’m sure he’s watching me than it is to face up to him. I open my eyes, and I’m right. He’s looking down at me with a sleepy grin on his face.

‘Good morning,’ he says, sliding back down the bed, rolling on his side to get so close we’re touching and putting an arm around my waist – underneath the cover – like it’s the most natural movement in the world. I can’t help but go completely rigid, and he withdraws his hand.

‘Sorry.’

‘Fuck,’ I say when I’m as far as I can be away from him on the bed without falling off. ‘This is bad. So, so terribly bad. I can’t believe how much we ended up drinking. I barely remember what happened,’ I lie, ‘but it shouldn’t have.’

The smile on his face lessens, but it doesn’t disappear. ‘I don’t know. Shouldn’t it?’

‘No, absolutely not,’ I tell him, and it’s my turn to sit up. I drag the duvet up with me to keep as much of my body covered as I can, and I try to not look at his toned calves now they’re exposed. ‘This was stupid. So unbelievably stupid. You could get sacked for this. I could get sacked for this. Oh my God.’

‘No one is getting sacked,’ he says calmly.

‘OK, maybe not, but as well as you being an experienced teacher who was meant to be looking out for a newbie, you’re the first friend I’ve made at school, and I’ve gone and ruined it.’

‘You haven’t.’

‘Yes, I have. You’ve kept me sane since I started. Without you, I’d have definitely quit teaching by now. You’ve been amazing, and I’ve blown it.’

‘Well, yeah, I can’t disagree with that. The saving your arse, not the blowing it bit.’ He’s grinning at me, all playful and mischievous, and it hits me how amazing he looks in the morning. If I moved closer to him, we could carry on where we left off last night before we fell asleep, exhausted, in each other’s arms. My body wakes up to that, to the memory of last night. I ignore it.

‘Sex and friendship don’t mix, and sex and work friendships never ever mix,’ I tell him. ‘It’s a recipe for messiness and awkwardness, and that’s the last thing I want. Especially when you’ve been such a good friend. Last night was a huge mistake. If I was the one who started this, I’m really sorry.’

I know it was both of us. There are parts of the night before that are blurry, but not that bit, not that first kiss. Not what came after.

His expression changes, and he begins to move. He sits on the end of the bed, and I notice he’s more dressed than I am. At least he’s wearing boxers.

‘It wasn’t you,’ he says flatly, willing to take the responsibility. If I wasn’t so mortified, I’d be touched.

‘Oh. It doesn’t matter. Let’s just forget the whole thing ever happened. We’re friends, and that’s all we’ll ever be. We have to promise each other we’ll never mention this again. OK?’

‘Got it,’ he says quietly.

‘Good. Now, I’m kind of naked over here, so don’t turn round.’

I shimmy out from under the covers and drop to the floor, scrambling through last night’s clothes to retrieve my underwear and reaching for a hoody and pair of shorts hanging over my chair. Once I’m dressed, I take the chance to bolt out of the room. I lean against the shut door to try and steady myself before heading to the kitchen, where I make a cup of tea and try to act like it’s a normal morning and my mind isn’t full of the flashbacks of how amazing last night was, and how no one has ever touched me like Elliot Drake.

By the time he comes out of my room wearing the creased shirt from last night, I’m able to look at him. I even give him a smile like him being here is fine. No big deal.

‘See you at work tomorrow?’ I say sunnily.