Page 65 of The Best Ex of My Life

I return to my bed and somehow, I manage to close my eyes and somehow, I even drift into a dreamless sleep for a few hours before my alarm goes off. I get up, make it down to breakfast with the rest of the department, make it back into Len’s car where the three of us endure close to four more hours of Jeffrey Archer thanks to a traffic jam on the M5. I make it all the way back to my flat, stopping by to thank Mr Galanis for looking after Bud and give him a postcard and box of fudge from my trip like nothing is out of the ordinary, and I get all the way back inside my flat to dump my bags before turning around to leave it again.

Chapter 26

‘Lizzie?’

‘Can I come in?’

He steps to the side and follows after me as I make my way to his lounge and take a seat on his sofa.

‘Do you want a drink?’ he asks, the line between Elliot’s eyebrows as deep as I’ve ever seen it as he studies me, trying to figure out why I’m here.

I shouldn’t be here.

It should have been Teddy’s door that I knocked on moments ago.

When I said nothing could happen, I meant it. I was so certain back in my hotel room I was right. How could we be together after Teddy? I might have been the one to come up with this whole dating-each-other’s-ex plan, but it was never meant to incorporate this. Elliot kissing me, him admitting he liked me, him wanting more, it all had to be forgotten. I was sure of it.

When I first left the flat, I was planning to go to Teddy’s to tell her everything. I used the handsfree to call Teddy a bunch of times in the car on the way over, willing her to pick up so I could tell her I was on my way, but I couldn’t get through. If she’d have answered, told me she was home, I’m sure it would have been her flat I drove to. But instead, I drove aimlessly, turning down roads without thought, my mind too full of what he said to me to let in anything else. Instead, I ended up here.

‘I don’t want a drink,’ I tell him. ‘I’m not staying. Can we just sit for a few minutes?’ Before I’ve given him a chance to answer, I’m making my way to my usual corner on his sofa. ‘See, I don’t get it. I’ve been going over and over what you said to me last night, and I don’t understand.’

He comes straight over, sitting on the opposite side to me but with his whole body turned in my direction.

‘Which bit? I thought I made it pretty clear.’

‘Yeah, you did,’ I agree. ‘That’s what I don’t get. You, you like me.’ My voice is so full of confusion, he laughs.

‘Yeah. A lot.’

‘But I had no idea. How is it possible you felt that way and we spent so long together, and I didn’t know?’

‘Because you didn’t want to know,’ he says simply. ‘You didn’t want to know after that night. You freaked out about us working together and made it clear you only wanted me as a friend. You definitely didn’t want to know when I started dating Teddy and by doing that I got to see all these other parts of your life and find out again how amazing you are. You didn’t want to know, Lizzie, so I tried not to show you.’

I think back to the times I noticed Elliot acting strangely, when he seemed to be struggling. That night at Karina’s when he could barely look at me, the dance we shared, the night of my dinner party when we argued and it felt like there was more he wanted to say. Were those the times he was trying not to show me? If that’s right, we’re going back months here. Months of him liking me and me liking him and neither of us having a clue.

Then there’s what he said about his love life. All the women he dated after we slept together without one of them ever becoming serious. I thought that was just who he was, a serial dater with no interest in settling down, but now he’s telling me it wasn’t that at all.

‘But why now? Why tell me now?’

‘Because I’m sick of pretending. Aren’t you? Before yesterday, I never let myself believe there was a chance you felt the same as I did. But that kiss. Two people who don’t care about each other don’t kiss like that, Lizzie.’ His voice comes out raspy, and it’s impossible not to flick my mind back to his lips on mine. The pink flush creeping up his cheeks leaves me in no doubt he’s thinking the same.

I know what I should do. I should leave. Right now. I should drive over to Teddy’s and sit outside her door until she gets home so I can hear the truth from her directly, so I can focus on what she needs now, not what I so desperately want.

Instead, I reach for his shirt and pull him towards me. I’m just about to kiss him when he leans back a little, so he can see my face.

‘You sure?’

No. I’m not sure about any of this, not sure if I’m putting a light to our friendship and am about to set it on fire, not sure if Teddy will ever forgive me for it, but I can’t not touch him anymore. I can’t keep on pretending I don’t want this with every cell of my body.

‘Yeah.’

My arms are around him, and I pull him closer, so there’s nothing getting between us, not even air. A low groan comes from deep in his throat, and he wraps me up in his arms. He dips his head for me, so I can brush my lips against his, gently first, polite. But we’re way past polite, and he pushes his lips against mine, parts them with his tongue, and kisses me deeply.

His hands begin to roam, over my back first, before coming to the front and under my T-shirt. I reach for the hem of his jumper and tug it up his body. We have to break the kiss so I can take it off, and we come back together more urgently, his teeth pulling at my bottom lip as his hands reconnect to my skin and move up. With the lightest touch he traces his fingers along my breasts, and I break out in goosebumps as he grazes my nipples with his thumbs.

When he abruptly stops what he’s doing to reach down for my hand, I start to object, but he pulls me onto my feet and leads me to his bedroom. As soon as we’re in front of the bed, he’s kissing me again, and we’re not holding back now. We fumble taking off remaining clothes, breaking apart and coming together with each piece until there’s nothing left. We’re still standing. He has one hand on my breast, making me shudder. The other snaking its way round my hip to the top of my thigh. I gasp when he gets there.

I start to lower myself down on to the bed, but he pulls me back up, kissing me once deeply on the mouth before trailing his tongue down my throat, my breasts, my stomach and coming to rest between my legs.