Page 57 of The Best Ex of My Life

We drink and we talk like one group of friends, and it’s fun, but it’s also hard. Elliot is so great with my friends, so likeable and engaged. He just fits in so well. I don’t think like this at work, but here, it’s so much harder to keep Elliot in the work-friend box I’ve been successfully cramming him in.

‘Right, down to business,’ Karina tells us all when she’s refilled our drinks. ‘What are we going to do, Teddy?’

‘Fuck knows,’ she says, and she tries to put a smile on her face, but there’s too much upset there to keep it on, and it soon wobbles off.

‘Hey,’ I say, putting my arm around her. ‘There is no way on earth you are going to stay in this shitty job, being this unhappy. You are too amazing, and we’re not going to let that happen.’

‘I don’t feel amazing. Most of the time, I feel this big.’ She holds up her thumb and forefinger with only the smallest slither of space between them.

‘Ed’s a fucking bully,’ Karina says. ‘And we’re not going to let him win.’

‘There’s not a chance we’re going to let a smug bastard in a bad suit hold you hostage in a job you’re far too good for. No one is leaving this room until we’ve come up with a plan for his demise, got it?’ I ask everyone.

Teddy hugs me before sitting up on the couch and squaring her shoulders, ready to do battle. I look round at everyone else to check they’re onboard, but when I turn to Elliot, he looks away. Underneath the collar I’m sure I can see colour creeping up his neck. He stares at his beer bottle for a few seconds, and when he pulls his head back up to look at me, it’s to give me the usual, warm Elliot smile I receive at work. There’s something controlled about it though, like he’s had to work on it, and I wonder what he was thinking when I looked his way.

I smile right back, but I know mine is just as forced.

I turn my attention back to everyone else, and we go into planning mode which starts off sensible with talk of Citizen Advice Bureaus and contacting other estate agencies to try to work out if everyone knows what a knob Ed is, but there’s so much wine flowing that the conversation evolves quickly. Karina has come up with and discounted a number of ideas, most of which are criminal. Matthew has been pretending to look alarmed at everything she’s said and keeps saying how much of an education tonight has been about what happens when you cross Karina. I’ve just come up with a plan for Teddy to start her own estate agency right across the road from Ed – the idea being she would take all his clients as well as securing multiple million-pound properties before having a moment like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when she faces Ed and says, ‘Big mistake, huge,’ – when I pick up my glass and realise it’s empty.

‘Back in a sec,’ I say as I get up to go to the kitchen.

‘Bring crisps,’ Karina shouts after me.

I hadn’t realised anyone had joined me until I turn round and find Elliot standing behind me.

‘Shit, you made me jump.’

‘Sorry. Teddy wanted me to check if Karina had any chocolate.’

‘Oh. Karina always has chocolate. It’s in the top cupboard.’

We move around each other in the narrow kitchen in near silence. I ask Elliot to pass me a bowl from the top shelf, and he asks if there’s anything else he should bring through. It’s the simplest of conversations, but it’s tinged with so much awkwardness – not just from me, but from him – full silence becomes the better option. As I rush to get new supplies, I try not to think about how uncomfortable it is, and how grateful I am he can’t read my thoughts. But it’s hard to do that when Elliot keeps turning away whenever our eyes meet. He starts to move around the kitchen like he’s trying his very best to put as much distance as he can between us. Without doubt, this isn’t one way.

‘You OK?’ I ask. ‘You’ve been quiet tonight.’

‘Yeah.’ He clears his throat. ‘Yeah, good. Tonight’s been just what Teddy needed. You’re, erm …’

‘Yeah?’

‘You’re an incredible friend, Lizzie. Teddy’s really lucky to have you.’

‘Thanks.’ It was a good thing for him to say, but I can’t help but feel uncomfortable taking the compliment knowing how much I’ve thought about Elliot, how hard I’ve found Teddy being with him. If I really was an incredible friend, I shouldn’t have been anything other than delighted for her, but my feelings have been so much more complicated than that.

‘I hope tonight is helping,’ I say, changing the subject. I think it is. As the night has wound on and become sillier, I can see how much she’s started to relax. ‘She’s been through a tough time lately. You both have,’ I say, and instinctively, I put my hand on his arm. There’s nothing to the gesture, so I’m surprised when Elliot shifts his body to pull away from my touch. I look at him quizzically, and he’s back to avoiding eye contact.

‘You sure you’re OK tonight?’

‘I’m fine.’

‘And you and Teddy?’ I presumed the restraint in their affection tonight was for my benefit, that everyone had a secret agreement not to make me feel left out, but thinking about it, Teddy and Elliot haven’t seemed as close tonight as they have been, not as touchy feely or eager to catch each other’s eyes like they’ve done when we’ve been out before.

‘We’re fine. I mean, it’s not been easy lately with Teddy’s job stuff and school and—’

But before there’s time for him to say anything else, the kitchen door opens, and Matthew pops his head round.

‘Come on you two, hurry up. The karaoke machine’s going on, and you’re needed, Lizzie. Karina and Teddy have told me to get you back so you can do the high bits in the Wicked melody.’

Matthew takes the crisps from my hands and marches me out. As soon as we start singing, the rest of the evening speeds by. Matthew, it turns out, is a terrible singer. Elliot has a gravelly, sexy tone to his voice when he sings a Justin Bieber song, which makes me smile, because of course he does.