Page 12 of The Best Ex of My Life

‘That’s a shame,’ I say, and having absolutely no desire to stay on the phone dissecting his failed business, I make myself get to the reason I’m calling. ‘I know it’s kind of strange me asking you this after all this time, but I was wondering if you were still single.’

‘Oh, Lizzie, I’m sorry I …’

‘No, no, not for me. For a friend.’ Was that pity in his voice?

‘Right. Well, you’ll have to tell your friend I’m a taken man. Emily and I are engaged to be betrothed,’ he says, clearly delighted with himself.

‘Oh! That’s great, Jay. I’m really happy for you.’

‘Thank you. She’s wonderful. And do you know what? She’s seen every episode of Countdown since she was thirteen. Oh, and she doesn’t think the capital city of Holland is Denmark.’

‘It sounds like you’ve found your perfect match,’ I say, choosing to ignore the slight. Of course, I know the capital of Holland is Amsterdam. Now.

‘I have. I’m sure yours is out there too, Lizzie Cook,’ Jay says before hanging up.

I don’t bother to question why Jay assumes I’m still single. The only thing that matters to me is that Jay said no. I stare at my phone screen for a few seconds to get over that just happening before turning to face Teddy.

‘Sorry, Ted. I really thought he’d have gone for it.’

‘It’s fine,’ she says with a flick of a hand to waft away my apology. ‘I’m sure you’ll come up with someone else.’

‘Yeah, sure,’ I lie. It was hard enough to come up with Jay. ‘I’ll think of someone good.’

‘I know you will. Is that it for tonight then? Shall we watch a film or something?’ Teddy says. The ease in which she’s willing to move on makes me think she’s not anywhere near as bothered as I am about this plan.

‘Hang on,’ Karina says. I turn to her, and see her mouth is pulled up into that same smile she gets on her face when she gets a wordle right or wins a bid on eBay, and her eyes are lit up. ‘Before we give up for the night, I can think of someone you could set Teddy up with.’

‘Really?’ This is a surprise. If Karina had a best ex of mine in mind all along, it would have saved me hours of deliberating.

‘Yeah. Elliot.’

‘Elliot?’ I repeat. ‘Elliot?’ I feign surprise at his name being brought up. I should be more shocked than I am, and I guess it is surprising that Karina would think of him. But already talking to him about the plan makes it feel not as out of the blue as it should.

‘Yes, Elliot. You’re always telling us about the funny things he does or how lovely he’s been at work, and he’s always been such good fun whenever he’s joined us on nights out. He’d be a great choice. And technically, he qualifies. As long as it wouldn’t bother you if he went out with Teddy, that is,’ she says, giving me a long, questioning look.

Karina has always had this idea that there’s more going on with Elliot and me than I make out. No matter how long I spend reminding her that we work in the same department, that he helped me through the start of my career, and we’re work friends who don’t think about each other in any other way, she’s always been sceptical, like it’s not possible for us to just be friends. I’ve always put it down to her not having any male friends herself because they always end up falling for her.

‘Of course it wouldn’t bother me,’ I say with the sunniest smile I can muster. ‘But he really doesn’t qualify,’ I tell her, trying to make out her idea to be ridiculous, when truthfully, as soon as I’d started the process of going back through my love life to find an ex for Teddy, Elliot’s high-cheek-boned, cute-and-rugged-at-the-same-time face had popped into my mind.

OK, yes, we’d shared one night together a year ago. One night that should have been a keen-to-impress new teacher meeting her friendly colleague for a few drinks in a pub to talk about work. Somehow, the night ran away with itself and became something else entirely. Somehow, I ended up having the best sex of my life with someone who not only made me laugh until my sides hurt but made me feel beautiful and completely comfortable. But so what?

It didn’t matter how good the sex was, it was a stupid mistake to make. I might have woken up next to him with my body still humming from his touch, but that was nothing compared to the nausea-inducing regret that weighed heavy in my stomach. I knew it could never happen again, that sleeping with a co-worker during the first term of your first year of teaching was a monumental recipe for disaster and luckily, Elliot agreed. During a five-minute text conversation the morning after, we both put it down to a few hours of madness courtesy of too much wine, and we promised each other we’d forget all about it. From the first Monday morning we locked eyes at school after it happened, Elliot appeared to have erased it from his mind, so I followed his lead and tried to do the same.

But that doesn’t mean I want him dating my best friend. Besides, as he’s nowhere near an ex, he should be nowhere near this plan.

Teddy and Karina exchange a sceptical look, and I see the teasing smirk start to cross Karina’s face again before she decides, ‘I think if you wanted him to be, Elliot could definitely be an option.’

‘But if it’s too weird, I’m sure there’ll be someone else you can think of,’ Teddy quickly adds, making me wonder if she wants to be set up with Elliot after all. I know the two of them think Elliot is gorgeous and a great guy, but any conversations we have about him being either gorgeous or great have always ended in them teasing me about how much I must like Elliot, I have no idea if he’s someone Teddy would be interested in. My stomach does a weird little backflip at the thought.

‘No,’ I say, firmly, trying to put an end to this line of thinking for good. ‘No. Elliot doesn’t count, but don’t worry, Teddy. I’ll come up with someone else. Someone even better.’

Chapter 6

‘Fine, you’re in.’

‘Excuse me?’ Elliot asks, looking up from the pile of books balanced on his knee. I throw my bag down next to him and join him on the hard, scratchy sofa in the staffroom for morning break.

‘You’ve made the cut. If you want me to set you up with Teddy, I will.’