Page 53 of Call Me Baby 2: Side B

DAVID KUSHNER

“Tastes so fuckin’ good.”

Andrew’s sitting on the barstool, knees wide, dipping another fry into the mayo and shoving it into his mouth. “No like—” He grabs another fry. “How has no one ever told me about this shit?”

Peter stares at him from across the table, disgusted. “You sayin’ you never dipped a fry in mayo before?”

Andrew points at him with the fry.

“One: You don’t dip fries in this, you bathe them. Two? Never. Never fuckin’ occurred to me.”

Andrew pops the fry into his mouth.

“Wow.” He leans back,

hand on his chest. “Wow.”

He licks mayo from his thumb, looking at me. “Tell me right now how you discovered this genius shit.”

“My dad always ate ‘em that way.”

Andrew knocks on the table. “That man raised you right.” He slides the mayo packet off the table. “See, ketchup’s for kids. Mayo’s for grown men,” he says, elbow on the table, waving the packet.

Then he turns it over.

“What’s even in this shit?”

Peter squints at Andrew. “Yeah, so, heads up, Allie. We’re officially movin’ through the hyper-focused phase.” His Boston drawl floats across the table. “You got about four sips left ‘til truth serum kicks in.”

I glance over.

Andrew’s mouthing the word ‘ma-yo-nnaise’ from the packet.

Peter lifts his glass.

“You ever seen him like this?”

A laugh slips out of me. “Not like this.”

He points the rim of his drink at Andrew. “This is rare. I’ve known this kid ten years and only seen him drink twice. Watch—once that second shot kicks in? Real Andrew Harding comes out, honest as fuck, and it ain’t nice.”

Andrew cocks his head. “Contains: whole eggs… vinegar… Soybean oil… Hellmann’s went hard for us, babe—” His voice stalls, eyes pinching together, then widen. “Wait. Nah, Petey, check this shit.”

Andrew tosses the packet across the table at him. “You know mayo got lemon juice in it, bro? They snuck in lemon juice and didn’t even brag.” He pops another mayo-covered fry into his mouth, then makes a face like he just came. “Oh my god,” he says. “Here on out, mayo on everything.”

His dumb, tipsy smile hits me so hard

it burns my cheeks.

I wanna look away but can’t.

I hate how beautiful he looks when he’s happy. The way I’d burn the world to protect it.

And for a second,

my heart forgets her job to protect me.

She’s watching him too,