Page 86 of The Other Side

My eyes drop to my glass of water parked behind my plate. Jesse’s voice merges with Roger and Lindsey’s, their sounds muddling in the back of my brain.

I sit with a vacant heart, locking my gaze with the ice cubes inside the fancy glass. I try to recall the last time I laughed with Jesse.

I can’t remember.

I can’t remember the last time I laughed with the person I agreed to spend a lifetime with. Then I realize that I’ve never cried with him either. Or to him, for that matter.

But it’s not just him.

When I rewind back to the few guys I’ve been involved with in the past ten years, I can’t recount shedding tears in front of any of them.

I cried all my tears over there.

And that’s exactly how I wanted it.

I wanted to wipe my cheeks dry. Leave all my sadness in my rear view. I desired to be free of all that pain, but somewhere in the midst of it, I was released from passion. I ran so fast that my shoes dusted everything in its wake.

Including that little girl.

I abandoned her.

She was innocent in all of it. She never asked for all the heinous things she had to endure. But I shut her out anyway.

She was an easy target for my displaced anger, and now, the joke is on me. Because as I sit here, in a room filled with highly regarded people, the only person I want to eat with is her. She may have been broken, but her spirit kept her from shattering.

“I couldn’t survive without you, Dove. You know that, right?” I tell him.

“Yes, you could, Callie.” He nods, delivering a squeeze to my shoulder. “Your heart was built to endure destruction. It wasn’t created to easily crumble. It was molded to fight.” His head tilts on the softest smirk. “That’s the strongest kind, Dove. You’re blessed.”

She was admirable.

She’s someone I want to be.

A vibration tickles my chair. The buzz jolts my eyes from the glass of ice water to my left side. For a moment, I fling my attention to everyone around the table, but they’re still submerged in mindless chatter.

I slip my hand inside the crossbody dangled around the back of my seat. When I pluck my phone out, my gaze swerves to Jesse before landing on the new text on my home screen.

Brant

I’m outside. Can you break away for a minute? Please.

My stomach leaps when I read the simple message.

It’s seven o’clock at night on my birthday, and I haven’t heard a breath from Brant all day. I could understand if he wanted to give up on our friendship, or whatever this is. Especially with the way I’ve been acting lately. But if he didn’t at least acknowledge my birthday, that would be the kind of disappointment I couldn’t bounce back from.

Let anyone else forget my birthday.

Let anyone else in this entire universe walk past me today without saying two words to me.

I wouldn’t give a shit.

Just not him.

Not Dove.

My emotions morph to salty droplets in the crooks of my eyes. I tuck my lips on the next inhale, and then I’m scooting my chair back.

When I clear my throat, I say, “I need to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”