Page 41 of Your Love

Kerri - Age 19, 1989

The anticipation of visiting my family in Texas had been building for weeks, but as soon as my flight landed, a sense of unease settled into the pit of my stomach. I was excited to see my parents and hopefully connect with some friends, but beneath that excitement, a sense of fear lingered, unsure of what to expect after being away for so long and not knowing how I would react if I saw Beau.

I played it off with Landry, sensing his apprehension, but as soon as I exited the plane, I started looking for him around every corner. I realized, even at the time, that I was being ridiculous, but fear is a strange thing. It settles deep into your bones, lying dormant until circumstances arise that are beyond your control. Then, it awakens and consumes your thoughts and physical reactions.

Even though I knew Beau could not know my schedule or that I was coming home to Texas, I couldn’t help but be on high alert. For the first few days, I even avoided leaving the house because of it.

Instead, I cherished every moment with Mama and Daddy, sipping hot coffee on the creaky porch swing while wrapped in my soft, patchwork quilt. We watched the fiery sunrise paint the sky and caught up on all the latest news from our small town. Most days were spent lounging in the cozy living room armchair, flipping through pages of my favorite book, or chatting with Landry on the phone.

On rare occasions, I saddled up my chestnut horse and galloped to the nearby creek. And let’s not forget about Mama’s delicious home-cooked meals that never failed to fill me up. But soon enough, my friends started pestering me to get out of the house.

My first visit was to one of my favorite diners—a benign journey by all means, and yet my heart thudded in my chest, and my anxiety almost made me turn around at the door. I forced myself to remember that I was safe and Beau couldn’t hurt me. My friends assured me they hadn’t seen him in months, but I couldn’t help my body’s response to the thought that he could be creeping around the next corner.

To my relief, there was no unexpected run-in with my abusive ex-boyfriend, and slowly, I began to feel more comfortable in my old stomping grounds. My friends and I revisited our favorite hangouts, such as the cozy coffee shop on the corner and the boutique where we used to splurge on clothes.

But as my short time in Texas came to an end, I made a deliberate decision to spend my last night at home, which was also my birthday, with just my parents. We gathered around the kitchen table as the familiar scent of Mama’s fried chicken filled the air. And for dessert, she surprised me with a homemade apple pie, my absolute favorite.

We reminisced about old memories and created new ones, and a warm sense of contentment filled my heart. It was exactly the birthday I wanted. The only thing missing was Landry.

As I boarded the plane back to my new life, I knew that despite all the challenges I had faced in this town, it still held a special place in my heart. Yet, I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that I had left something unresolved. I hated the fact that I felt anxious and wary in a place I used to call home.

Moving to Merrimack had given me a false sense of security. Deep down, I knew I hadn’t truly confronted the ghosts of my past. Landry came into my life and showed me safety and love, and it wasn’t until I went home that I realized how much I had been avoiding and suppressing my fears.

It’s been a few months since that trip, and I know it’s something I will need to address before I go back this summer, but that’s a problem for later. Right now, I’m lying in my dorm room bed with my phone pressed against my ear, the sound of Landry’s voice providing a much-needed connection to him.

I glance at the clock on my desk and realize we’ve been talking for forty-five minutes already. I mentally calculate how much this call would add to my phone bill, knowing my parents will give me a lecture about it later. But at this moment, I don’t care. Talking to Landry is worth every penny.

We both have busy schedules—me with my part-time job and classes and him with hockey and his classes. We’re lucky if we have an hour to talk at night a few times per week. Maintaining a long-distance relationship isn’t easy, but it makes us appreciate each other more. Plus, it gives us the opportunity to cultivate our friendship in ways that wouldn’t happen if we were physically close.

But after months of being apart, I’m growing more impatient. I can’t wait for the day when we can finally be in the same town again. Until then, we’ll continue to make the best of our situation and keep working on our relationship, even from a distance.

“How are things going with the team?” I ask.

“It’s been good,” Landry replies, in that light way he does whenever he speaks about hockey. “We have this new kid, sixteen years old, and he’s got some serious talent. He could be a real star if he keeps working hard.”

“That’s young,” I comment, impressed.

“Yeah,” Landry agrees. “His whole family moved from Florida to support him. It’s a big commitment.”

“Well, he couldn’t have a better teammate,” I tell him, and I mean it with my whole heart. Landry is patient and knowledgeable, and he cares about these kids. It shows in everything he does.

“How did your statistics midterm go?” he asks.

I let out a sigh of relief, “I think it went pretty well. I’m glad it’s over. But you know what I’m even more thrilled about?”

“What’s that?” he asks.

“I see you in four days!” I can’t keep the excitement out of my voice.

“I can’t wait, either, Wildflower. I need some time with my girl.” My heart flutters at his words.

“Me, too. I’m lucky I was able to get off work.” I would’ve done anything to have time off. I need a break from everything. I need a few days at home to reset and soak up the farm and my friends—but mostly Landry.

“What time will you be home again?” He asks.

“I’m leaving after my class on Friday morning, so I should get home between two and three.”

“I’ll be here, waiting for you,” he says. His words spill out in a warm rush, wrapping around me like a cozy blanket on a chilly night. I can’t believe this man is mine.