Page 77 of Tainted Love

I feel his warmth radiating against my back, filling my senses with the familiar scent of his cologne. In just a few moments, he settled next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close.

His nose rests against the back of my neck, just like it used to. It’s not a sexual gesture but rather one of comfort and friendship. In that moment, all the memories come flooding back and it feels really, really good.

This is what I can offer him right now. I can be here for him in a way no one else can. “Are you okay?” My voice breaks through the silence.

“I’m not sure,” he replies, his voice heavy with emotion. “I feel lost.”

I roll over to face him and wrap my arms around him, squeezing him more tightly into my body.

“Where were you tonight?” I inquire gently.

He takes a deep breath before answering. “I went to the nursing home and started going through her things.”

“I would’ve gone with you,” I reply, my voice tinged with regret.

“I wanted to do it myself,” he answers.

“Did you get through a lot?” I ask, knowing it must have been emotionally draining for him.

“I was able to grab some things that she wanted me to have. The rest they will put in boxes for me to go through later,” he says, his voice strained.

“I’m so sorry, Taz,” I murmur empathetically, wishing I could take away some of his pain.

“I knew it was coming. But it still hurts so bad.”

I bring his hand to my mouth and gently kiss his knuckles.

“But you’re not alone,” I remind him softly. “I’m here. My parents are here. You have people who love you.”

“Do you?” The vulnerability in his voice makes my heart wrench.

“Do I love you?”

“Yes.” His voice is barely a whisper.

My response is just as soft but filled with certainty. “Yes. I love you, Taz.”

The air around us holds its breath, waiting for his reply. It feels like an eternity before he finally speaks. “Everyone who loves me leaves.”

“That’s not always going to happen,” I insist gently.

“It’s the only way I’ve ever known life,” he responds, his voice laced with bitterness and resignation. “How can you be certain it won’t always be this way?”

I take a deep breath before responding, wanting to choose my words carefully. “You got dealt a shitty hand with your parents, Taz. I did, too. But I know from experience that there are other people in this world who can become your family. And it means nothing less because you don’t share blood.”

“Can you promise me that you’ll never leave? That you will always be there for me, no matter what?” he asks, desperate for my answer.

“I don’t know what the future holds, Taz. But I can promise you this—I’ll never turn my back on you. Not like before.”

The only sounds were the soft rustle of leaves in the wind outside and our breathing. I can hear his change to the softer, rhythmic breath of sleep.

As the warm embrace of sleep pulls me under, I cling to the hope that he heard my promise and believes it.

But when morning comes, he’s gone, leaving no trace of where he might have gone. Panic sets in as I frantically call Landry, and we spend nearly two days searching for him, our worry growing with each passing hour.

Finally, I find him back in Denver, on the ice—his sanctuary, his refuge. But he’s not here to play or practice but to escape. His shoulders are hunched, his jaw clenched in anger.

My heart races with fear as he goes robotically through his warm-ups. I will him to look at me, a silent plea to see me so I can bring him back from the dark place in his mind.