Page 64 of Beautiful Small Things
“Not at all,” I say, shaking my head. It makes me happy to be able to do this for him. He needs to relax.
Marcus spends the next hour surfing. I watch in awe of his athletic ability and point him out to Iris, who is still more invested in the loud birds.
We’re waiting at the edge of the water when he comes in, holding his board under his arm. Having grown up in California, I’ve always found one simple action very sexy. Just a man coming out of the surf with a board under his arm is inexplicably attractive.
As he reaches us, he shakes his head back and forth, spraying us with water. I laugh as Iris’s eyes get big, and she looks disapprovingly at him.
“Let’s take a walk,” he says. “I need your help with something.”
“Sure,” I agree, following him back to our spot. He bends over, reaches into the large beach bag, and pulls out the baby harness. He looks at it curiously and then says, “I want to try this, but it’s terrifying. The circulatory system is less complex than this.”
A laugh erupts from my chest as I take it from him. “Give me this thing. We can figure it out.” I study it for a minute before deciding the best way to do it is to just throw it on him.
“Come here and lift your arms,” I command. He follows my directions, and the next thing I know, I’m at eye level with those damn charmpits. Me and my stupid Marcus armpit kink. I velcro him in, tighten it like a corset until I hear him let out an “oomph,” and then step back and look at the finished product.
“I think this is right,” I say, holding my chin in my hands. “Ready for the baby?” I ask.
“Yep. Strap her in,” he exclaims. “I think she will prefer facing out. She’s a baby genius, after all. She needs stimulation.”
I roll my eyes but comply with his request. Soon, she’s strapped in and dangling from his chest.
“How do we look?” he winks.
I take a picture with my phone and smile widely. “Perfect!”
“I did not picture myself wearing a baby and walking down the beach when I was 30,” Marcus muses.
“Life is strange,” I agree. “I thought I’d be dancing in Europe by now.”
“Is that still the goal?” He asks.
I think about the question for a minute. Is that still the goal? I don’t even know anymore. It’s not as exciting as it used to be, but I don’t want to sound like someone who doesn’t have her shit together, so I reply, “Yes. Still the goal.”
We walk in silence for a few minutes before he speaks again. “I got the paperwork back from my lawyer. Chelsea signed over all parental rights to me.”
“That has to be a relief,” I tell him. When he doesn’t answer, I glance to the side to see him take a deep breath and stop walking. He turns and looks out over the water before answering.
“It is,” he sighs. “I just worry about Iris. One day she will understand that her mother chose not to be in her life. She was abandoned. I can’t ever make up for that.”
“Hey, look at me,” I tell him. I can see the sadness in the depths of his blue eyes. “No one can control the circumstances with which they were brought into this world. It’s not ideal, but you don’t need to make up for that. You just need to be who you are.”
“But she will experience things I can’t understand,” he admits.
“And that’s where Colby and I come in,” I tell him. “We are here for you. So is your mom. And mine.”
His face contorts as if the words I’m speaking hurt to hear. “Then she will be very lucky,” he says softly.
Trying to break the sudden seriousness of the mood, I say, “Let’s put her feet in the water again. She needs to get used to it.”
“Great idea,” he says with a knowing smirk.
Chapter twenty-six
It's Been a Shit Day
Marcus - Age 30
I come in dragging from eighteen hours at the hospital. It’s three in the morning, and I can barely keep my eyes open. I’m hit with the now-familiar scent as soon as I open the door. It’s different now than it was before Iris and James. Before, I lived in a house. Now, I live in a home.
