Page 62 of Aperture

“So, that was pretty crazy how Wyatt showed up?” She looks at me sideways to gauge my reaction. “Do you think he made up the thing about the phone call?”

“No,” I shake my head. “Wyatt is an honest person. He wouldn’t make that up. Besides, he’s more of a subtle stalker. He’d just sit in the bar if he wanted to piss me off. For all we know, that phone call wasn’t even about me.”

“True, but either way, he did seem truly upset, Mouse. Anyone with eyes can see how much that man cares about you.”

I stop and look out over the ocean, watching the waves roll in. They seem to be mimicking my emotional state; slowly rolling, unsteady waves with unreliable peaks and crests.

“You OK, Mouse?” Gwen asks sweetly.

“I’m just so confused,” I answer honestly. “I’m committed to Theo, and I care about him. I have loving feelings for him,” I pause, hating to admit what I’m about to say, “but I’m not in love with him.”

She is quiet while I put my thoughts together.

“I slept with him last night.” I wait for her to say something but she just listens quietly, so I continue. “I have this reaction to Wyatt. It’s like my body, my mind, my heart, all of it, spark to life in his presence. I’m trying to let it go. I really am.”

She gently rubs my arm as I continue.

“GAH! It’s just so frustrating. I don’t want to hurt Theo. I keep waiting, you know, for my feelings to intensify, but they aren’t.”

“Are you going to tell Wyatt,” she asks.

“Why bother?” I say in defeat as I throw my hands in the air. “Wyatt isn’t available to me, regardless of our connection.”

I undo Milo’s leash and pick up a stick and toss it in the surf. He runs and grabs it, bringing it back to me. I do this again and again while I try to sort out my feelings.

Gwen allows me this silence, because best friends know that sometimes the best thing you can do is be near someone in solitude, giving them quiet strength to make difficult decisions.

I focus again on the sounds around me and a feeling of calmness settles into my soul.

“I need to stop dating Theo,” I say to myself more than her. “This is not fair to him. He deserves someone who can give him 100% of themselves. I'm not her.”

Gwen holds my hand. “I’m proud of you, Mouse,” she says stoically. “When are you going to talk to him?”

“He’s headed out of town. I won’t do this over the phone. So I’ll talk to him next week.”

“Come on, let’s walk some more,” she urges.

We trudge down the beach and while it helps relax my soul a little, I never lose the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. It only deepens later when I get a text from Wyatt.

Wyatt: I’d like to take you to the gun range this week. Are you available?

Millie: Do you really think I need to?

Wyatt: Yes, I do. Especially considering that weird incident at the restaurant.

I’m at odds with myself, like I usually am when it comes to this man. But I would like to learn a bit more about guns. My grandpa would have wanted me to know the basics. I haven’t spoken to Theo yet, but nothing is going to happen with Wyatt. He’s helping me be safe, I tell myself.

Millie: I have 2 shoots tomorrow. I am free this afternoon though.

Wyatt: Sounds good. I’ll pick you up at 1:00.

Millie: See you soon!

Wyatt knocks on the door and Milo goes absolutely crazy. My dog has no chill.

I open the door and usher him inside, noticing he is holding something behind his back. For the briefest moment I think he brought me flowers until he pulls out a large rawhide bone and offers it to Milo. I internally roll my eyes at my stupidity.

“You don’t have to buy his affections, you know. He loves you already,” I tell him.