Page 55 of Reckless Love

Then I jog to my car, chest heaving with a terrible combination of frustration and absolute despair. Climbing into the driver’s seat, I flex my hands on the steering wheel, fighting tears.

Stephen doesn’t understand. He’s as sure that I’m lying as I am that I’m telling the truth. He wasn’t here. He doesn’t know.

The misery that almost sank me back then settles lightly on my shoulders, and I rest my forehead on the steering wheel, shoulders shaking with the sob I’ve been trying to repress.

I’m so tired of pretending, but I’m not even sure I realized I was pretending until Stephen came back.

My life is such a mess, and I don’t know how to fix it. I thought coming here might make something click that’s felt out of place, but instead, I just feel more adrift, completely untethered.

Given all these old feelings for Stephen that have been stirred to the surface, staying with Raul seems out of the question.

I take a deep breath and try to recenter myself. My emotions are running wild.

Yesterday, I would have said I could save my marriage, that with enough work, there was something worth saving, even though we’ve never had a loving relationship.

Maybe without Stephen being back in Bellerive, that might be true. Maybe I could have forced myself to go on pretending. But every time I catch even so much as a glimpse of Stephen, my life feels misshapen, ill-fitting… wrong.

So fucking wrong.

I need to call my cousin, Caitlin, who’s a divorce attorney. I can’t stay in my marriage.

Could leaving Raul actually make me more miserable than this moment right now? I don’t want to consider how.

By the time I get back home, the sun is rising, and I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. After I left Stephen’s, I should have come straight to the house, but my head felt cloudy, and I needed thinking time. Driving aimlessly for hours has made me tired, and I’m not sure my decision making is any clearer.

“You’re home,” Raul says when I wander into the kitchen.

I stop in my tracks, surprised he’s already awake. He’s an early riser, but it’s literally sunrise.

He leans back against the kitchen counter, and he takes a sip of his coffee. Silence rests heavy between us, and I’m sure he’s worked something out, but I’m not sure what that is. I’m not an early riser or one to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night. My mind scrambles for a reason that’ll make sense that isn’t the truth.

“You’ve been different since that family dinner party weeks ago. Do you know that? Restless. So I think it’s important I remind you of a few things.” He reaches behind him and then tosses a manilla envelope onto the kitchen island. “Infidelity, according to the marriage contract you signed, means I get full control of Reckless, and I get primary custody of our son.”

“I’m not—”

“Landon told me you’d been to see Stephen Foster’s parents at his house yesterday. Rather cozy, isn’t it?”

“His parents are disabled. Going to see them doesn’t mean—”

“I’ve left a note for the maid to gather up all those useless romance novels you’ve started littering the house with again. You need to live in this reality. Get your head out of the clouds. The bored housewife who’s tempted by the blue-collar worker isn’t a role you’re allowed to play. There are very real consequences to stepping out of line in our marriage.”

I grit my teeth and stare at him. My heart is thrumming with rage, but I also know that if Stephen’s reaction to my visit had been even slightly different, I’d be guilty of everything he’s accusing me of. I’d have ruined every good thing in my life. And for what? It’s possible Stephen actually hates me even if he would’ve fucked me.

“When you found out you were pregnant and the DNA test confirmed he was mine, we agreed to create a stable life for Landon. The privileged, no-rules life you’d been leading had to come to an end. I never hid my expectations. You got your company, and I got what I wanted. There is no greener grass than what I provide for you and Landon in this marriage.”

I rub my face and then cup my cheeks, not even sure what to say. Anger and exhaustion are at war, and if I let either win, I’ll say something that’ll likely make things worse.

“Stephen Foster can never give you everything you need, and even if he could, you’d have to give up everything else you love to get it.” He takes a long sip of his coffee, and we stare at each other across the distance. “This is your only warning in terms of the loyalty I expect in all aspects of our life together. You’re not stupid. You’ll make the right choice, just like you did when you found out you were pregnant.” He puts his cup in the sink and then he approaches me. His hand lands on my hip, and then he breathes into my hair before placing a kiss on my temple. “Don’t let our son down.”

What Raul doesn’t know, has never known, is that I made those deals, agreed to those terms because the one person I’d want to break them for had vanished.

Stephen’s the reason I went into my marriage with so much certainty, and he’s also the reason it’s unravelling now.

For better or worse, Stephen Foster is my greatest temptation.

And to survive, I’ll have to pretend none of that is true.

Chapter Nineteen