Page 197 of Securing the Pucking Rebound

“We’re not eighteen anymore.”

“No,” I agree, watching as she takes her seat opposite me and gestures for my hands.

Silence floods the room as she inspects my calluses, my broken and battered nails.

With a sigh, she sinks them into the warm water.

“Too big a job for you?” I quip.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” she says before glancing up at me through her lashes.

“I missed you so much,” I blurt.

Her eyes shutter, and I chastise myself for coming on too strong.

She stares at me, hurt still swimming in her eyes, and her lips are pinched together. She doesn’t say a single word or give me any clue about what she’s thinking. Instead, her eyebrows lift as if she’s waiting for something. Which, I guess, she is. A fucking explanation.

I close my eyes for a beat as my hands soak, trying to gather my thoughts.

I’ve gone over what I’d say to her when I got the chance a million times since that night, but sitting here now, all the words have left my head.

“I fucked up, Sienna. I know that.”

Her brows lift even higher.

“When I saw you after that game with Bea, fuck…I thought all my Christmases had come at once.

“I thought you were going to look at me and jump into my arms. It’s all I’d thought about since we lost contact. But when you saw me, you didn’t see the boy from that summer. You saw the hockey player that I am now, and it fucking killed me.

“Then the second time I saw you, when I let you and Bea up to the VIP area to join us, I thought maybe you’d sobered up and figured it out. But nope.”

Guilt swims in her eyes.

“I got it, though. I barely recognize myself these days. That boy you met…he…he disappeared a long time ago.”

She holds my eyes, searching them for something. “I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you.”

“It’s fine,” I say, despite how much it hurt at the time.

“I know I should have told you. But…I’d put you on this incredibly high pedestal over the years. It never occurred to me that you’d have forgotten about me. I⁠—”

“No,” she cries. “I never forgot about you. I just…I assumed we’d never meet again. I stopped looking for you a long time ago. I guess that’s why when I saw you as a player for the first time, I didn’t see it. Then you became Calvin Keller to me.”

I shake my head, unable to stop myself from thinking how different things could have been.

“Why didn’t you tell me after that? I know we didn’t exactly hang out all that often, but there were opportunities.”

“I told you, I was scared. Vinny and Calvin are very different. Vinny had a dream that he knew would shatter his family as he was battling to find a way to do both. Calvin…he…I go after what I want, fuck the consequences. I’d already lost my family because of my selfish decision to follow my dream. What the fuck else was there to lose?”

“Calvin—”

“You,” I continue, cutting her off. “Suddenly, I had you to lose, and I panicked. I didn’t want to do anything that would force you to turn your back on me like they did.”

She shakes her head. “I never would have done that.”

I shrug. “I didn’t know that. What if you didn’t like the new me? What if you only wanted the old version of me? I needed…” I take a moment. “I needed you to get to know me, the man I am now. I wanted you to like the man who was standing before you, not the boy from your memories.”

“Why can’t you be both?”