Page 234 of Risking the Pucking Defense

65

HAILEE

The second Hayden’s name lights up my screen, I swipe to answer and sink deeper into the couch, more than ready to listen to him talk for a few minutes.

I hated being in the same place for most of the day but being unable to see him. I’d hoped to sneak down to get a little Hayden fix before they left, but it wasn’t to be.

So I’m going to soak up every second of this pregame chat.

“Hey, baby. How’s it⁠—”

“Coach is putting me in the starting lineup.”

I sit bolt upright.

“What?” I shriek. Of course, I suspected. But I didn’t say anything, because while I might work for the franchise, I’m hardly a coach. I swear, every week I learn a new rule or slang term—I’m certainly not qualified to be making assumptions where players and lineups are concerned. “Oh my god, Hayden. That’s huge.”

“Y-yeah,” he stutters, not sounding half as excited as I am.

“What’s wrong?”

He hesitates for a few seconds, and I grip my cell tighter.

Fuck. I wish I were there.

“What if…what if I can’t do it?” His anxiety bleeds through the line. “What if I let everyone down?”

“Hayden, that’s not possible. You’re going to smash it. I’m so proud of you,” I tell him, hoping it’ll help. “Oh, and your parents are there. Your mom is so gonna cry, hearing your name announ⁠—”

“She won’t be here, Hails,” he whispers.

My chest compresses.

“She is one hundred percent there with you. She is. Every single day.”

I hear movement and him breathing down the line, but he doesn’t say anything for the longest time.

“I thought…I thought it was getting easier.”

My eyes close as my own grief assaults me.

I know exactly what he's talking about. As time goes on, you realize it’s getting easier to function. You never forget, but the memories change from the most painful ones to happy ones, comforting ones. Or at least, that’s how it worked for me. And then one day, just when you thought you were coming to terms with it all—bam. It hits you out of nowhere, when you least expect it, and you don’t have the capacity to deal with the sudden onslaught of grief.

“Baby,” I breathe, unable to summon the right words despite having gone through it. “You’re an incredible hockey player, you’re going to go out there tonight and absolutely kill it. Everyone is behind you. I’ll be watching. Your parents are in the stands. The team is right there. You’ve got this. The second you step on the ice, everything will fall into place.”

“But you’re not here.”

“Maybe not in person. But I am one hundred percent there with you. I’ll watch every single second of the game. I’ll be cheering you on just as loudly as if I were there. And every time you see a camera, that’s me watching you.”

“Fuck,” he hisses. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Believe it, baby. You’re about to be announced right after Everett motherfucking Donnelly,” I say, knowing just how much that’s going to mean to him.

“Yeah. I am. Fuck.” A laugh spills from his lips, letting me know that he’s going to be okay.

“And more than that, you’re gonna take the W tonight. You’re gonna do it for Rylee. For Killer, but most importantly, you’re gonna do it for you.”

I might not be able to see him, but his excitement is palpable.