Page 100 of Risking the Pucking Defense

I’m pretty sure I’ve left a piece of myself inside that apartment, and I’m not entirely sure I want it back. I might just have to turn up every now and then to check on it…

The drive home is long, or at least it feels that way, but everything gets harder the second I step into my cool, dark apartment.

While Hailee’s place was warm and welcoming, mine is…well, not.

It was never going to be my forever home in LA. Just a place to start me off. And there isn’t a moment where I regret not spending more money on somewhere to live. After all, I’m hardly ever here. But now, with Rylee gone and everything feeling out of place, I can’t help but wonder if I’d feel more at ease if I put my effort into making my apartment more of a home.

Without putting the lights on, I navigate to the freezer to pull out a couple of ice packs before stripping down to my boxers and crashing onto my bed.

Exhaustion nags at me, but I already know I won’t find sleep anytime soon. My head is spinning too fast.

I get myself comfortable, put the ice packs on my knees, and find the game highlights I was too distracted to really pay attention to earlier.

But as much as I might want to be prepared for the upcoming season and study our opponents, I still can’t get my head in it. Instead, two women circle through my mind.

If Rylee were here, she’d have the advice I need when it comes to Hailee. She was always so good at looking at the bigger picture, of seeing things in a different way to others.

Would she tell me to follow my heart and risk damaging both our reputations and our careers? Or would she tell me to keep my head on straight and remember why I’m here, and how hard I’ve fought for this position to be able to play the sport I love every freaking day?

29

HAYDEN

I’ve never been apprehensive about spending time with my family before.

Even as a teenager, when you’re meant to dislike them and try to spend as little time with them as possible, I enjoyed it. I love my mom and dad. Not only are they fantastic parents, but they’re both genuinely incredible people. And of course, Rylee was one of a kind.

But now, I’m not meeting my three favorite people. I’m meeting two of my favorite people, and they’re broken beyond repair.

I have no idea what I’m meant to say to them. Am I meant to force happiness and talk about all the good things in my life? Or am I meant to be sad? Are we meant to talk about Rylee and nothing else, like we did when I was with them?

Fuck. I have no idea what to do, and I know I’m making it worse by sitting out here, overthinking it all.

My cell rests in my lap, calling to me.

I want to message Hailee. She’d know exactly what to say to talk me down. But I also don’t want to be that needy person she eventually gets annoyed with. I’d understand if she decided to cut ties at any point. She’s already gone above and beyond the call of duty to help get me through all of this. But I’m not sure I could handle it if she did. Not yet, at least.

I let out a heavy sigh. I know my parents are already inside waiting for me. Not only am I meeting them at the hotel I booked for them, but they messaged ten minutes ago to say they’ve got a table and that they can’t wait to see me.

Is that true? Or are they going to take one look at me and see her?

Of course, we’re not identical, but we have enough similarities for it to be painful for them. Hell, it’s hard enough for me to look in the mirror some days, because all I see is her.

Pulling up my big boy pants, I finally kill my engine, push the door open, and climb out. The sun warms my skin, and I twist my hat around and pull it low over my face in an attempt to get away without having to talk to more people than necessary.

“Oh, shit,” the host says as I glance up at him. “Epic game last night, man.”

“Thanks,” I mutter, trying as hard as I can to find some enthusiasm. It used to come so easily, and I can’t help but feel like it died right alongside my sister.

“It’s gonna be our year. I can feel it right down to my toes.”

“Here’s hoping.”

“Did you need a table?” he asks, excitement glittering in his eyes.

“Uh, no. I’m actually meeting my parents,” I explain as I scan the restaurant ahead of me. “And they’re right there,” I say, pointing in their direction.

The second I lock eyes with them, everything I was worried about settles, because there’s nothing but happiness in their eyes as they smile and wave at me. I only saw them last night, but that doesn’t stop me from practically running across the restaurant and straight into their arms like I’m a child again.