Page 190 of The Coldest: Stay Dangerous Part 2

It feels like hours have passed before the last shudder passes through my shoulders, and my lungs feel somewhat okay.

But then my shoulders shudder for a new reason, and I throw myself into Rico’s arms and sob into his chest.

“She tried to kill me!” I wail, pushing my face into his hoodie, wishing I could melt into his skin.

His gun makes a heavy thud when it drops onto my floor. He stands slowly, bringing me with him until his arm loops around my legs, lifting me up.

Gently, he places me on my bed. I reach out for him, fisting his sweats, before he pushes those off his legs and climbs in behind me.

Instantly, I curl back into his chest. His arms band around me tight, his lips pressing soft kisses onto the top of my head.

“She tried to kill me,” I repeat, whimpering.

He holds me tighter, so tight I can barely move my arms to wrap around him.

“Please don’t kill her,” I mumble into his chest. He hears me though, his body shaking with subtle laughter.

“Only ‘cause you said ‘please’.” False humor colors his voice, but it bounces right off of me.

“She’s never done that, Rico… I can’t believe–” a sob interrupts my rant, and I move my face so that my cheek lay in his drenched t-shirt.

“I killed the two people she thinks she needs the most, Snow. If I can’t kill her, then I think we have to take that into consideration.”

“I feel like I’m losing her. I feel like I’ve lost her already… why? Why did you do that?”

I lean back and meet his piercing glare. His tongue ring swipes his bottom lip before he combs it with his teeth.

“There is no world where I would let the two muthafuckas who are supposed to do right by you keep living after they’ve failed you so miserably. I fucked you up, bad. I’ll admit that. You fucked yourself up, too. But all roads lead to Aaron and Amani Shaw. I was going to tell you in person, but Turk jumped the gun and I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone but me. But hear me; when it comes to actually doing them in, I’m not sorry, Snow.”

When he’s done, I exhale, blowing all the air out of my body until I melt into the bed.

“I know,” I whisper, closing my eyes. “I love you, anyway.”

There’s a second of stillness, but then he yanks me to his chest. His shoulders drop, and he presses his lips to the top of my head again, keeping them there.

“You do?” he asks, and my heart twists at the relief dripping from his voice.

I throw my leg around his hips and pull him impossibly closer.

“I do, baby. Always. Thank you for always putting me first, even when I don’t… and thank you in advance for not killing Auty.”

“Life is beating her ass enough,” he says. I want to ask what he means, but my eyes grow heavy, and I’m out like a light before I can open my mouth.

It’s one of those weird days where it’s storming in the middle of the summer. But it’s still a good day. A really good day.

Today is day one of the rest of my life. I’ve been given a clean bill of health for the time being. My hair is beginning to grow and cover the curved scar on the side of my head, though for Mars’s sake, I still threw on the bucket hat Miele crocheted for me when she first found out I was getting my head cut open.

I don’t have to see the inside of the hospital for another year. It already feels like a fever dream, these past few months. Until I look in the mirror, or glance at the obituary from my parents’ funeral that Rico banned me from going to.

I went anyway, of course. I keep trying to tell Richard that he don’t run shit, especially me. And, no matter what, I couldn’t let Auty go through that alone. It was bad enough she planned everything, but the final goodbye?

She wouldn’t acknowledge me. It’s not like the funeral home was packed. In fact, it was only us, Patience, and Pops. The whole, short service, not a word, not a glance. When it was over, the funeral director handed her the urns, and she walked out of the chapel without a single glance back.

Words would have been said in the parking lot, if Rico hadn’t have swooped in and berated me the whole ride back to his condo. He laughed when I threatened to shoot out his new windows, and we haven’t been speaking much since, on account of him testing my gangsta.

Ju and Mars spending the afternoon with me is an obvious attempt at softening me up, though nothing really can bring me down. All the shit I’ve overcome in this crazy life, I’m thinking about buying some scratchers, since clearly God is providing me some luck for once.

Mars tired himself out hours ago. Once he came in talking about how he spent all night online gaming with Deucey, I knew it was a matter of time. While he snores loudly in my guest room, Ju and I lay on my shag carpet, watching the rain pour down on all the ants below us.