Page 176 of The Coldest: Stay Dangerous Part 2

YT and Reem’s new house is a labyrinth, but clearly Brina’s been here before, because she leads us up the stairs and deeper into the house until she opens a closed door, throws me in, and attempts to close it behind us.

But YT is there, grinning, and Brina lets her in before YT closes and locks the door.

It’s a simple room, with a queen bed, dresser, and some painting of a countryside. YT leads us to the closet, and when she opens it, I understand why we came here.

It’s not exactly a panic room. It actually is a closet. But a cool girl closet, with fluffy bean chairs, a small fridge for snacks, and a nightlight with a mini bookshelf, all nestled between heavy coats. We have to crawl in between them, and once we all have something plush to sit on, YT closes and locks that door.

“Brina, I’m–”

“Don’t apologize, please. And not on behalf of that weird ass nigga down there.” Brina shakes her head before pulling me into a hug I didn’t know I needed.

“Them two niggas are in the biggest dick measuring contest known to man, and if it wasn’t you, it’d be some other girl or some other thing. I don’t even think they know why they’re mad at each other anymore.”

“Men and their senseless nigga babble,” YT says, fake gagging. “Thank God Reemie and Ty-Ty made up before the wedding. If I had to listen to one more rant about how ‘unreasonable’ my man’s platonic soulmate was, I would have blown my brains out, and I wouldn’t be able to share this with you both.”

She grabs both of our hands with her clammy ones, squeezing them, then letting her intrusive thoughts win as she squeezes our hands harder to get our knuckles to rub.

“Hey! Stop! Go ahead before I ruin it.”

“Ruin what?” I ask Brina, but she just gestures to YT.

“Well… I’m pregnant! With twinsies!” She lets go of our hands and claps obscenely.

“I figured when you ate three bowls of gumbo and started letting your roots grow out,” Brina says, before she hugs YT to her.

I join the hug, even though I feel twisty inside. “I’m so happy for you!” I squeal. And I mean it, I do. YT deserves her happy ending.

“Yes, yes. I’m a vessel carrying the end of the world as we know it,” she gushes as we settle back into our seats. “But, I just had to get that out the way before we focus on you. What’s up with your surgery? How are you feeling?”

“And be straight with us. Autumn isn’t here and this stays between us. We’re worried, Wyn. Brain surgery… that’s heavy.”

“How are you coping? I wouldn’t blame you if you slipped.”

Brina smacks YT’s thigh, before they both turn to me.

My eyes won’t lift from the hot pink shag carpet, even if the rest of my body knows I’m safe with these girls. Safe enough to be truthful.

“I’m scared shitless,” I breathe. The tears come as easily as the truth, and soon they’re dropping like rain.

“Scared of the surgery. Scared of the side effects. Scared that I could go through all of this and it can grow back. I… don’t want to die. But the worst case scenario isn’t even that… I don’t wanna leave you all behind.”

I reach out, grabbing their hands again. “I feel like I’m just now living. It’s not a perfect life. It’s fragile, and shaky, and brand new, but it’s a life and it’s mine and now it could be taken away. Whether it’s through death, or… waking up and not having any memory, any way to effectively communicate. It’s too much. It’s not fair. And I feel like I can’t break down because Auty is barely holding on and Rico is… I think he’s just as lost as I am. It’s just not fair.”

“You can break down, Wyn. You can do it right now.”

“Yeah. That’s why we’re in my Safe Place. Reemie will keep Autumn and Rico busy, if everyone hasn’t torn up my dining room yet. You can break down, and we got you. We’ll put you back together.”

My fingers band around theirs as more tears fall. The tension in my belly moves to my shoulders, and at the first earth-shattering sob, I let go.

“This room is soundproof,” YT whispers, and just like that, my mouth opens, and I truly, finally, unleash it all.

It feels like years of unfairness threaten to wash us away. I fall over into Brina’s lap as my body shakes over and over again, as fat tears roll sideways off my face, saturating her pants.

YT’s awkward pats on my arms and legs don’t stop as I let out all the anguish and rage and fear in liquid form. I cry out for myself for once, broken memories playing out in my mind’s eye until it finally goes blank and I’m just… here. Brina and YT’s touches grounding me into the present.

I don’t feel better. But I don’t feel so overwhelmed.

I don’t know how much time has passed when I finally sit up. YT has tissues waiting for me. It was no use bothering with makeup, or even a hairstyle, since I’ll be bald and with a new scar in less than seven days.