Page 132 of The Coldest: Stay Dangerous Part 2

“They left us, Auty. They don’t give a fuck about either one of us, especially Mom. Dad might, but he loves Mom more. I came home and they were gone, and I… I couldn’t tell anyone and we get separated. And I couldn’t tell you because… because I’m your big sister and I felt I could handle it. So I did. They were gone for seven months and you didn’t even notice. I did my job, I guess.”

Auty shoots out of her seat, rushing over to the chair next to me. She grabs my hands, pulling them close. “Wynnie,” she whispers, “You should have told me.”

I snatch my hands out of hers. “Would it have made any difference?!” I shriek, irrational anger exploding in my chest. “When were you ever home? You practically lived next door. You’ve avoided me at all costs!”

My elbows slam onto the table as my fingers tangle in my wig. It’s barely holding on, the lace lifting, and before I know it I’m ripping the bob off and tossing it into the other chair.

“We were kids,” I start, rubbing my fingertips across my fuzzy wig braids. “I don’t pretend to know how it feels to be ignored by Mom. It was the opposite for me; I had all of her attention. But they were two sides of the same coin, Auty.” My head lifts, and I meet her watery gaze. “I didn’t have it better than you, and I would think, after everything, you’d get that. You’d see that we have always been in the line of fire together, and that neither one of us made it out without getting burned.”

My arms fall to the desk, taking my head with it. Pressure builds behind my eyes, and when I blink, tears drop onto my skin.

“You have no idea… and I wanted it that way, but God, I was wrong. I didn’t want you to blame yourself, hating me more. But in the end it doesn’t matter.”

I hear rather than see Auty drop out of the chair. “No,” she presses, her arms going around me as violent sobs rack my body.

“I don’t hate you, Wynnie. I could never hate you, especially now. I’m so sorry for everything I said. You know I don’t mean it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

I move to hug her back, leaving my own chair. She tells me how sorry she is, over and over, us both crying and mourning the childhoods we never got to have, despite how hard we both tried.

“I’m sorry you went through it alone, Wynnie. I thought you left me behind. All I ever wanted was for us to be… and we were. All this time. I’m sorry.”

“You’re my sister,” I hiccup, “my twin. Everything I do is for you, Auty. Every single thing. Always. I… I-I didn’t leave you. That night. In the Birch. I swear I didn’t–”

“Wyn–”

“No!” I whisper-shout. “Please. We’ve never talked about this. Please.” I sit back and wipe my face. She pales, but quiets, letting me get this one thing off my chest.

“I didn’t leave you. I would never do that to you, Auty. They started shooting, and I fought so hard to get to you. Then… nothing. I woke up, and… I was alone. I-I-I got out, and I swear Auty, I swear I wanted to go back for you. Ty told me he would, and took me to Pooh’s. It’s… kinda fuzzy… I got shot–well, a bullet grazed me, but–”

Auty launches herself back at me, her whole body vibrating from tension.

“I knew it,” she whispers. “I knew you couldn’t have done that. But… I couldn’t… I couldn’t ask.”

“I’ve failed you so much, Auty. I have, and I know it. But you have to believe me when I say I would never, ever, leave you behind.”

“I know, Wynnie. I love you. I love you so much. You have to know that.”

Another sob chokes out of me, my ears not comprehending words I haven’t heard from her in years. Words I can barely say back, so I just hug her tighter, and hope we’re finally on the same page enough for her to understand.

“You don’t have to handle anything alone anymore, Wynnie. I’m strong enough; we can tackle anything as long as it’s together, okay? I can’t lose you. I’m so sorry. I’ll be a better sister.”

“I will, too.” I lean back and wipe my face before meeting her gaze. “I promise, Auty. You helped give me a second chance, and I won’t waste it. I’ll make you proud of me.”

“I’m already proud of you. Even if you made a detour to pound town.”

We both giggle at her corny joke, and embrace each other once more.

“Is there anything else I need to know? About Mom and Dad?”

“It’s all in the past,” I whisper back. “We made it out okay, and that’s all that matters… have you spoken to them?”

She doesn’t answer right away, prompting me to lean back. Auty shrugs, avoiding eye contact, but to her credit, she doesn’t lie, opting to make excuses instead.

“You know, Mom’s always busy chasing Dad around…”

I zone out without even meaning to. This part of our reconciliation is predictable as well. Much like Auty needs me, she needs Mom, too. It doesn’t matter that she now knows I was basically her mother. She will always crave the impossible achievement of Amani Shaw’s approval.

“...If you’re up to it. No pressure.”