Page 78 of Suncatcher

The pain reminded Driz and she broke the kiss.

“Does it hurt?” Pearl panted, frowning.

It did, but not in that way.

The tears came swiftly and unexpectedly, closing Driz’s throat. Perhaps Pearl was right to think her stupid. “You push me away and pull me back,” Driz rasped. “Please explain this to me, because I do not understand.”

Pearl stared in shock at the tears leaking from Driz’s face, and then she closed her eyes briefly. “I’m such an ass,” she muttered before meeting Driz’s watery gaze. “I told you I’m messed up. I’m terrible at all this. But I want you, Driz. Your kindness and your honesty. I like you. And I can’t seem to help it. I don’t exactly know what that means, but I left my home to come after you, and I don’t regret it. Last night was one of my worst ever.” Pearl bit her bottom lip. “I’m not sure that’s really an answer, but I don’t want you to leave. Please. Don’t leave.”

The pain in Driz’s chest eased.

“What about you?” Pearl asked cautiously, as if afraid Driz was going to say something else.

“I do not want to leave either.”

Pearl’s fingers danced over Driz’s face, smoothing away the tears that lingered. Her expression held no disgust. No horror, or repulsion. Just sadness. “Thank you. For saving the mines. Even if my mother doesn’t appreciate it yet, I do.”

“I am sorry I stayed. And did not say the right things.”

“That wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Driz didn’t believe the words. That was one of Pearl’s lies. It had to be, because Driz obviously had done the wrong things.

She watched Pearl’s mouth, where she bit her lip. Driz ached to kiss her again. To get lost in Pearl and forget about the second part of last night, but the physical pains of her body anchored her frustratingly to reality.

Driz glanced around. The dusk had faded to night, and she needed to keep Pearl safe and comfortable out here. “Have you eaten?”

“Not since yesterday. I slept all day too.” And she had stayed up all night with Driz. Pearl didn’t say that, but Driz knew it was true.

“If you start a fire, I will get you food to cook,” Driz promised. “What would you like?”

“Honestly, I’d eat anything right now. Even mudscupper doesn’t sound so bad. I’ve got some dried hardtack in my bag, but it won’t last long.”

“I will be back.”

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

“I cannot promise that.” Driz ran her hand over Pearl’s tousled, lovely hair. “But as always, you are worth it.”

22

Campfire Confessions

The fire crackled, eating the bones of the rabbit Driz had caught. That it was a mammal hadn’t escaped Pearl’s notice. While Driz did not hunt them for herself, she had for Pearl. Driz also refused to share it. And Pearl didn’t know what to think about that.

She’d screwed up in more than one way this time. She’d never had a lover for longer than a few quick encounters before. Except for Molly, though she was a friend first and after and didn’t count. But with Driz, Pearl wished she could take back her unkind words, to erase them from history so they had never been spoken. If she were able, she would return to last night and run to Driz outside the mines, to protect her better.

But Pearl couldn’t change her actions or the past. She couldn’t destroy the words. All she could do was add more and hope to cover and reshape them. And Pearl wasn’t very good at that either.

Driz was honest to a fault. Pearl would try to be the same.

“I’ve always kept people at arm’s length. I push away before they can get too close.”

Driz had been staring, unusually pensive, into the fire, her hand absently rubbing over the shoulder Pearl had used blight on. But she stilled and turned to her now. “Why?”

Pearl shrugged. “Everyone dies, or leaves. It’s easier to not get attached.” The fire crackled in the silence, lulling Pearl into speaking more. “I’m not used to people thinking I’m worth it, let alone telling me.”

Driz looked at her from across the flames. “What do you mean?”