Page 86 of Unravel Me

Penny moves on the other side of the bedroom door, and I know I can’t stay here all day. I ungracefully roll out of the bed, slide on pink slippers and shuffle into the bright kitchen where I find her blending a smoothie.

“Well, hello sunshine.” She smiles as I drop onto a stool, groaning with my head in my hands.

“Hey Pen. Off to Pilates?” I ask groggily.

Her long, blond braid whips around as she faces me, pouring her green drink into a to-go cup. “This morning is actually spin class. It’s Monday,” she adds gently. “You know it might be good for you to get back to the gym. Nothing gets you out of your head like sweating and deep breathing.” She tilts her head at me, and I exhale, already tired from this day.

“Yeah. Yeah. Maybe tomorrow, okay?”

She nods, probably not holding her breath. “We still on for drinks after work? How’s six p.m.?” Penny taps her freshly done nails on the countertop. Perfectly fresh nails with her new workout clothes. She is a glaring juxtaposition to me right now and it’s not helping, even if I love her.

“Of course. Six tonight is good.”

“Hey, you’ve officially made it past the first week.” I know she means it as a celebration, like oh look, you made it a whole week after getting dumped—again—but there’s nothing to celebrate. This past week has been hell.

Mustering up a grin, I avoid eye contact with Penny and walk to the coffee maker, turning it on. The front door closes behind Penny, and I go on with my day, like I've done all week.

One task at a time. If I pause too long, I’ll fall back into self-deprecating talk and analyze every detail of this summer, wondering again and again if I could’ve done something differently.

My Realtor, Elena, called me last night, arranging a meeting this morning at a coffee shop near my old apartment. Apparently, I forgot to hand over the keys to the back garage, and the new buyer, who paid cash, is closing this afternoon. I let Ed know I’ll be late today and decide to head out early, walking to the coffee shop. The walk is twenty minutes, giving me time to settle my thoughts.

As I walk, a notification pings on my phone. I have a meeting with Ed at noon. During lunch, of course, but rescheduling with him wouldn’t be an option, I know that much. I’m on thin ice after backing out of the promotion. He’s been giving me the cold shoulder all week, and his eerie silence is almost worse than if he flat out laid into me, telling me how irresponsible and careless it was to email him a resignation from a promotion he put his name on. I can’t deal with more disappointment, even from him. Letting people down has become my entire personality as of late and it was becoming heavy.

The neighborhood coffee shop is loud with morning commuters, busy rushing from here to there, but the bitter aroma of espresso and chatter distract me from my thoughts. Elena’s arm shoots up, waving enthusiastically, instantly catching my attention. She’s seated at a small table near the wall of windows

“I’m so sorry for this, I can’t believe I forgot to double check I had all the keys!” Her auburn curls shake around her face as she pulls an envelope out of her bag. I wave it off, truly unbothered. I would rather be anywhere but my office today.

There’s only one place I want to be today, and it’s not a place I'm sure I'll ever see again.

“Here you go.” I set two silver keys on the table between us and Elena snapped them up, placing them in a tiny envelope. Her beaming smile is nearly contagious, and a quiet sense of pride wells up in me. Taking a chance on her felt right, and it paid off. I’m free of that house, and I have more cash than I know what to do with. But I'm not necessarily in a rush to use it; when the time is right, I’ll know. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

One step at a time.

“Well, that was simple!” She clasps her hands together, but I have no desire to move and contemplate sitting here for a while, pretending my meeting took longer than it really did. No one would be the wiser. I could even treat myself to a lavender cappuccino.

Though what I'm craving is homemade coffee out of a chipped mug in a farmhouse kitchen, served by a man who calls me darlin’.

“I was worried you might have forgotten them intentionally…cold feet or what not.” Elena scrunched her eyebrows, watching me closely as she placed her bag in her lap.

“Oh gosh, no.” I pause briefly. “That house was never going to be my home.”

Elena pinches her lips together, giving me a curious look.

“It’s a beautiful house. The family who bought it is very excited.”

Despite what my mother, Jackson, and everyone else thinks—that I’m ungrateful—I’m honestly glad to hear that. I want someone to find happiness there. Maybe it would prove not everything I touch turns to ruin.

It was always meant to belong to someone else, to be the vessel for another family’s dream.

“That’s wonderful.” I grin and nod, but Elena hesitates, mouth hanging slightly open before speaking.

“May I ask what is next for you? Are you going to look for a new house, or maybe rent an apartment in the city for a while longer?” It’s not unreasonable for her to ask me this as my Realtor, and it’s not like I haven’t been thinking about it. I just don’t have an answer.

“I’m not entirely sure yet. My friend hasn’t kicked me out so...” I reply with a small laugh. “I’m taking it day by day. Where I want to be, what I want it to look like.”

Elena smiled kindly at me, accepting the answer.

What I don’t say is when I conjure up images of home, it’s not a building I see.