Page 69 of Unravel Me

Here is safe. Here is secret. Here is where I can escape.

The rest of dinner goes off without a hitch. Desi and Renee keeping the conversation going, the girls playing with Mabel, and when I brought out the dessert tray, everyone crowded around, oohing and aahing. But I didn’t grab one, and neither did Rhett. He just stood, leaning against the wall in the dining room, a beer in one hand, the other in his jean pocket.

He was quiet and dread gripped me. I knew when everyone filed out tonight, we’d have to talk. Our eyes met across the room and his mouth stayed in a hard line, like mine.

“You’re spoiling Rhett, you know that?” His mom came up behind me as I soak a casserole dish in the sink. The sun outside the window was pink and dusky, and the quietness in the house as everyone ran around outside suddenly felt loud.

I smiled at Renee over my shoulder. “I’m just happy to be able to cook for everyone. It’s my pleasure.” But she doesn’t budge or maybe doesn’t buy it.

“Well, we are grateful for you being here. Rhett hasn’t been so relaxed…I don’t know, in forever.”

I think back to the Ferris wheel, the night Rhett got vulnerable, sharing about his father’s death and the summer of fun he never got to experience. It slaps me as I stare down into the sudsy water, yet again a pit forming in my stomach.

“Hey, let him do the dishes, you did enough tonight!” Rhett’s mom winks at me, and turns off the water, forcing me to leave the dishes in the sink. I wanted to clean up though, even if Rhett would happily step in to help. I needed something to focus on other than the painful truth of the mess I have created.

Chapter thirty-eight

Audrey

We both shower, the dishes are cleaned up, and the lights are out except for a few lamps in the living room. I lounge on the opposite end of the sofa from Rhett, while Mabel’s familiar snores rumble from the floor in front of me. The baseball game plays on the TV, but I drown out the noise and Rhett’s eyes aren’t focused on it.

I find myself lost in my Instagram feed, scrolling through photos of my friends and their so-called perfect summer lives. I’m not even sure why I still follow most of them—prep school friends and those who remain stuck in the miserable orbit of Jackson Tippins. It’s been ages since I posted anything anyway, not since the breakup with Jackson. There’s nothing I'm willing to share with the outside world.

What I have here with Rhett; it’s just for us. I glance up at him, sitting stiffly on the couch, my feet near him, but he isn’t rubbing them. He is in another world.

“It was really nice to see everyone tonight and be able to host.” I add as much pep to my voice as I can manage, tossing my phone aside, as Rhett nods with a tight jaw. His tongue darts out to lick his lips, then he quickly clenches his jaw again.

“Does your family do anything over Labor Day weekend?” I press on. Because I know he heard parts of the conversation with my mother. And I don’t know how to address this.

Rhett tips his head back, his blue eyes trained on the living room ceiling, the glow of the TV bouncing off the walls around us. “Audrey.” My name comes out like a sigh, and a sense of defensiveness washes over me.

“I mean it’s only a few weeks away, it’s not preposterous to ask, is it?” I respond with more venom in my tone than intended. His eyes darted my way.

“I don’t know if they have plans, but I know yours do.” He’s monotone in his retort and my heart surges but I try not to show it.

“Well, I'm not going to that. You heard the phone call.”

“Yeah, most of it. What I didn’t hear was a good reason though,” he shot back, and I felt myself flush. I sit upright, my body buzzing with messy energy.

“You have to understand, my family isn’t like yours, Rhett. It’s not a quaint family dinner party at my parent's vacation home. It’s a chance for them to show off their money, for my father’s business partners to all kiss each other’s asses, for my brother and his friends to act like I don’t exist, even in their thirties and—”

“That’s a lot of reasons.”

“Exactly,” I say, turning my attention to the TV, hoping he drops it, hoping he finally understands why I don’t want to go back.

“But you used to go with Jackson, correct?”

Hearing my ex’s name on Rhett’s tongue makes the room spin for a moment. I hate that they ever had to overlap in my life. And there’s something else. Hurt. I hear hurt. The one thing I never wanted to inflict on this man who’s shown me nothing but love, done nothing but welcomed me into his world, giving me everything, even when he didn’t have much to give.

I scoot closer to Rhett, needing to be close, needing to fix this, but his eyes are still icy. I think about touching his arm, but I don’t.

“It’s different. Him and my father were like this.” I hold up my crossed fingers. “And my parents were more tolerable when we were together. It doesn’t mean I enjoyed it.”

“It’s different…got it.” He doesn’t sound angry, just defeated, which is worse, but I still haven’t gotten through to him. “Just answer me this, and I’ll drop it.” He leans forward on his elbows, and I swallow the lump in my throat. “Are you ashamed of me? Am I not good enough to meet your family, or was introducing me to them never in your plans?”

My heart hammers wildly in my chest as I spring off the sofa, pacing the room. “Rhett, stop. You’re being unfair. Of course I was going to introduce you to them.”

Is that true? When did I plan to do that?