Page 73 of Zero Confusion

It was Jerry.

His brother’s name made every muscle in his body tense up in dread. A late-night phone call to a semi-shunned family member was never a good thing. What if something had happened to his mom or dad? What if he never got a chance to make things right?

In that moment, the truth hit him hard, cracking the optimistic facade he’d crafted. He wasn’t over it, not even a little bit. He wanted his family back so badly that he could barely breathe. The secret, desperate hope to be accepted flared bright in the depths of his soul, even though he knew it was pointless. Knew it would lead to more pain.

“Jerry? What’s wrong?” His voice cracked, and he held his breath for a response.

“Huh? Nothing’s wrong. I’m glad you’re awake, though,” Jerry said in a distracted voice before a loud clattering sound interrupted him. “Dammit. You have too much shit on your shelves.”

Did Jerry call to complain about his books? After a month of silence? Were they razing Zach’s side of the room to remove all trace of his existence?

Zach moved the phone away from his ear to double-check he was on a call with his brother and not having an auditory hallucination. Despite the evidence, he wasn’t reassured.

After a series of thumps that Zach could only guess was Jerry’s rifling through Zach’s piles of books, Jerry’s voice was back.

“I can’t find the next disc.”

“What?”

“You left me those stupid movies, and I’m halfway through the second one, but the next disc is missing. Where’d you hide it?”

It took Zach a few seconds to connect the dots. Apparently, Jerry had appreciated his parting gift enough to not only start watching Lord of the Rings but seriously get into the story if he was awake and ripping through Zach’s shelves at one in the morning.

Why was he checking the bookshelves anyway? Did he expect there to be a random disc between his dinosaur encyclopedia and The Hunger Games?

“Check the other cases. I probably stuck two on top of each other.”

He listened as Jerry shuffled around before letting out a whoop. “Got it! Thanks, bro. I need to know what happens with the tree things. Okay, later.”

“Wait!” Zach shouted, surprising himself. Now that he had his brother on the line, he didn’t want to let go. “Did…did Mom talk to you about me?”

“Oh yeah. Dude, what the hell?”

Zach closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Here it came. The judgment. The anger. The disappointment.

“You should have told us. Now I feel like an idiot talking about the hot chicks in Portland when you don’t even care. Are there hot dudes in Portland? Or are they all bearded hipsters like on TV? Are you into beards? Because if you are, I guess that’s the right place for you. Wait, is that why you’re staying there? For the beards?”

Jerry’s train of thought was a wild ride, but Zach ignored all the rapid-fire questions in favor of his own. “You don’t mind?”

“I don’t mind what? That you’re gay?”

“Yes?”

“Come on, man, we’re in Montana, not the Middle Ages. Abe and I know how these things work. Love is love and all that.” Jerry’s tone shifted, almost hesitant when he spoke next. “I get not telling Mom and Dad, but you could have talked to us. You know we love you, right? We don’t always get you, but we’re on your team.”

“I was scared,” Zach admitted, letting his vulnerability show. “I’ve been hiding for so long, I didn’t know what to expect. I’m sorry I left like that.”

“I get it, but man…you missed an insane fireworks display.”

The unexpected levity caused a burst of laughter to escape Zach. For a moment, he didn’t understand the strange, weightless feeling spreading through his chest. The burden he’d carried for years, cinched tight around his neck and making every breath a struggle, was suddenly gone.

The lightness unmoored him. He floated in the ether as nervous giggles dissolved into shaking sobs. Each jagged exhale caught in his throat, making it impossible to speak.

Still, he kept the phone pressed firmly to his ear, clinging to the quiet breathing on the other end. Jerry didn’t say a word, but he stayed there, stayed with him, holding him together.

“Sorry,” Zach said after calming down. “I guess the tragedy of missing those fireworks affected me more than I realized.”

Jerry barked out a laugh. “You’ll just have to come and see them again. Maybe you can help set up next time.”