Page 54 of Zero Confusion

“Okay… I vaguely recall that.”

“Do you still have them?” Miles asked hopefully.

“Seriously?” Mara rolled her eyes. “Why would I?”

“Because you took them? On your cute little camera?” Miles had been under the impression it was a perfectly normal request, but Mara’s reaction made him doubt himself. “Shouldn’t they still be…somewhere?”

“That was a family camera. I was the only one who ever used it because they wouldn’t get me a phone.” She pushed away from her desk and shouldered Miles out of the way. “Come with me.”

He followed her to the living room, where she rifled through the old chest of drawers. As far as Miles knew, it was only used for important documents and boring paperwork. She didn’t say anything, and he waited in silence, assuming she knew what she was doing.

Finally, she made a noise of satisfaction and pulled out an external hard drive covered in heart-shaped stickers. “Here.” She shoved it at Miles. “Mom backed up a bunch of stuff onto this thing. If what you’re looking for isn’t there, it’s gone.”

Miles thanked her with a sweaty hug she immediately wiggled out of and took the hard drive to his room, plugging it carefully into his computer. Simmering apprehension and curiosity gnawed at him when he thought of how obvious his feelings had been in the photograph on Zach’s computer. How many others showed the same thing? He wanted to see all of them, wanted to find proof of what he already knew to be true.

He was in love with Zach. Probably for years without realizing it, and if he hadn’t visited this summer, he might have never known. Might have gone through the rest of his life without ever finding his true happiness. What a horrifying thought.

Wincing at the sight of multiple untitled folders, he started randomly clicking on them. He’d hoped everything would be organized by date, but it seemed that his mom made new folders and dumped a bunch of unrelated files in them with every backup.

He went through each one, enjoying the trip down memory lane—birthdays, pets, questionable haircuts—beautiful, random moments from the past that filled him with nostalgia. He’d forgotten how cute Micah and Misty were as babies, and how his bunny, Sir Flops-a-Lot, always curled up next to the radiator for a nap.

These photos were too precious to gather dust at the bottom of a drawer. Maybe Miles would get his mom a digital frame for her birthday and load everything onto it. Surely, she wouldn’t get nearly as upset with Mara’s attitude on a daily basis if she could turn her head and see that adorable toothless kindergarten smile.

Suddenly, Zach’s face flashed on the screen, stealing Miles’s breath away. The memories flooded him, every moment crisp in his mind.

The traveling rodeo. Ah, what an amazing day that had been.

They must have been around fourteen, but they’d acted like toddlers, badgering their parents to drive them.

And it’d been worth it. He’d enjoyed every moment, from eating corn dogs while watching horses hanging out before the competitions to sitting in the stands, eyes glued to the arena where cowboys raced, roped, and rode everything from gorgeous Appaloosas to bucking bulls.

He flipped to the next picture and froze.

More details rushed in—the aroma of deep-fried snacks mixing with earthy animal musk, the loud cheering of the crowd at the end of each race, the nervous energy vibrating through him as he clutched a blue raffle ticket in his sweaty hand. They’d spent most of their allowances on a chance to win a cowboy experience, or at least a cowboy hat or a lasso. His parents grumbled at him for wasting his money, but he barely listened to anything they said. He was old enough to know the odds were against him, but he hadn’t spent years watching westerns not to try his luck.

The odds were a funny thing. Hundreds of people must have participated in the raffle, but Zach ended up winning the big prize, his eyes widening as the tinny voice crackling through the speakers read each of the small numbers printed on his ticket. The announcer called the winners to the main stage, and Miles opened his mouth to promise to take pictures when Zach thrust the ticket at him and said, “You should go. You like cowboys more than I do.”

Miles had taken the offer at face value—gaping at Zach before giving him a giant hug and dashing off—but now he had the benefit of considering that comment through the lens of time. Yeah, he’d always been far more obsessed with the whole macho concept of cowboy culture, while Zach seemed more interested in the finer details—specifics of horse maintenance or braiding rope—but they both enjoyed it in their different ways.

The truth was, Zach would have had as much fun as Miles.

As Miles flipped through picture after picture of himself—wearing a cowboy hat and riding a huge colt, trying and failing to lasso a target, proudly holding up an intricate knot that he’d never be able to replicate again—his eyes filled with tears.

He didn’t need to keep looking. The truth was obvious, staring at him from the screen.

Zach was his person. His lifelong best friend. Hopefully, his romantic partner. Whatever it ended up being, that love was genuine. Larger than life. Eternal.

The two of them were each other’s forever. He was sure of it.

Everything was up in the air now. A month ago, he’d been living his quiet, boring life, following a clear trajectory his parents had set for him. Despite his daydreams and wishes to stray from their path, he’d never allowed himself to consider it in earnest. Not until now.

That path was gone.

He couldn’t go back to his old life and pretend to be someone he wasn’t. The cat was out of the bag. The love and desire he had for Zach were quickly growing into a raging inferno inside his chest that was impossible to ignore.

He just had to figure out what to do next.

First, he had to come out to his family. Based on the sly wink Max had given him during a brief video chat from the hospital, Ray had already told him. One down, five to go. Almost there.