Page 97 of Over the Line

What I did know was that looking at the three of them, there was absolutely no mistaking they were Garrett’s kids. They had the same deep brown eyes and the same mischievous grins. When Katie laughed at something one of her brothers said, it took my breath away because it was immediately obvious she’d inherited her father’s gorgeous smile. When all three kids snarked at each other, it was absolutely Garrett’s dry sense of humor coming through.

I didn’t know why that made my head spin so much. I’d never been with a father before, and it was just surreal seeing my boyfriend in each of his kids. It was cute, and it was mind-blowing, and in some weird way, it made it harder not to reach for him. Not for anything sexual—we were in public, and anyway, that wasn’t what this was. I just wanted to feel his fingers laced between mine. Steal a soft kiss. Just… be close to him the way other couples were on this ice.

That wasn’t just from seeing him with his kids. We were surrounded by couples and families. Temo and Ximena were skating carefully with their little ones. Craws was gently guiding Hannah as she—an inexperienced skater—tried to keep her balance. Drizz and his girlfriend were cozied up and flirty right up until they tripped over each other’s skates and landed on their asses. Then they laughed, shared a kiss, and tried to help each other up while they were still giggling.

I was used to feeling envious of all the couples being adorable on the ice.

I wasn’t used to having that feeling while the man I wanted to skate with was right there.

Right there, with the kids he’d worked so hard to reconcile with. Right there, smiling like the proud, happy dad he was. Right there, making a clumsy but valiant attempt at stick handling.

Even if we weren’t trying to keep this out of Chris’s sight, I’d jealously guarded my privacy for my entire career. I’d hemmed and hawed for ages before coming out with my ex.

Tonight, the impulse to be openly affectionate with Garrett was almost irresistible. It was painful how much I wanted to take his hand in mine and glide around the arena with the other families. In front of my teammates. In front of the cameras. In front of the whole damn world.

I watched Garrett as my teammates and their families skated around us and a flurry of emotions swirled behind my ribs.

Is it too much to hope I’ll get to skate here someday with you?

CHAPTER 23

GARRETT

Guilt had been a constant companion for the past few years, but holy shit, it dug its claws in on Christmas Eve.

I was in my son’s townhouse with three of my four kids, plus two of their partners. I’d choked up during dinner when Chris had suggested we revisit the tradition of watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas like we always had when they were kids. Before putting on the movie, we’d exchanged gifts. I’d once again teared up because Chris gave me a Pittsburgh Phantoms jersey with his number, but instead of Kane across the shoulders, it read DAD.

Everything was perfect. It was all so much more than I thought I’d ever have again just a few short years ago. It was both normal and novel; a warm return to a familiar world I thought I’d never be allowed to revisit.

But guilt was there like a silent, invisible ghost.

Before dinner, the kids had FaceTimed with their sister. I’d stepped out of the room to give them space, but her voice had carried into the kitchen anyway, hitting me in all those familiar tender spots. I wanted to stay hopeful that we could reconcile eventually. I’d made it back into my other three kids’ lives. For a long time, I’d thought things were hopeless with Chris, but here I was. There had to still be some hope of making up with Ally, right?

And if there isn’t, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Fuck. So much guilt.

As the kids chatted in the other room, I vowed to find some way to bridge that divide and reconnect with her in the new year. Except I couldn’t reach out to her—she’d set that boundary when she’d gone no-contact. Most likely, as hard as it was, all I could do was wait for her to break the standoff and reach out to me. I couldn’t think of any other approach that wouldn’t push her farther away.

Whatever the solution, I wouldn’t figure it out tonight. Tonight was for celebrating with the kids I had reconnected with.

Fresh guilt set in after dinner while we hung out in the living room watching the Grinch, but it wasn’t because of Ally.

It was because of my phone, which was facedown on the end table beside me.

It was because of the itch I had to pick up the phone and send a text.

It was because part of me secretly and shamefully wished the holidays would hurry up and end so I could be in the same space as Liam again.

Fuck. I didn’t want to be away from my kids. I didn’t want Nick and Katie to leave town.

But God help me, I also missed that man. Our constant text conversations, regular FaceTime calls, and painfully sparse visits had been keeping my head above water for the better part of December… as did that brief blank space coming up in the Phantoms’ calendar. They had three away games right after Christmas, then after the New Year, three straight days at home with no games or travel at all. Practices, sure, but he’d be here. In Pittsburgh. With free evenings.

The thought made me damn near salivate… which made the guilt burrow deeper into my aching chest. Wishing for that three-day stretch to get here meant wishing for this visit to be over. I needed to enjoy my time with my kids, not count down the hours until I was with Liam.

As the movie wound toward its long-memorized climactic scene, I finally grabbed my phone off the end table and wrote out a quick text.

Merry Christmas. Hope you’re having a great holiday!