Page 122 of Over the Line

Chris sighed, shaking his head. “You and Mom sucked at being married. And yeah, the way things happened—the divorce and all that shit—but you were still a good dad.”

“I could’ve been a lot better.”

“From what I’ve heard, most parents can say that.”

“Most parents don’t end up estranged from their kids.”

He winced. “We… might’ve gone overboard on that.”

I blinked. “What?”

Chris shrugged. “We were all upset. It was hard. But once we got back in contact…” His shoulders sagged and he slumped forward, elbows on his knees as he stared at the carpet. “I mean, I’ve known people who’ve gone no-contact with their parents over a lot worse. I don’t blame them at all. But as soon we started talking again, all I could think was maybe I overreacted. Yeah, I was mad and it fucking hurt, but…” He shook his head slowly.

I had to swallow the lump in my throat. There was no vindication here. No feeling like he’d finally seen the light and he’d been wrong the whole time.

“I’m sorry I ever made you want to walk away,” I whispered.

He looked at me then, his expression full of confusion.

“You didn’t overreact,” I went on. “I messed up, and I hurt you and your siblings. I hurt your mom. It upset everyone’s lives. Hell, I hated myself for a while, so I don’t blame you for it at all.”

Chris swiped at his eyes.

“I caused you and our whole family a lot more stress and pain than I ever had any right to, and more than I ever wanted to. I fucked up, Chris. Badly.” I wrapped my arm around his shoulders. “And I’m sorry for that.”

He just leaned into me, and neither of us spoke for a while. When he finally broke the silence, he whispered shakily, “We lost so much time.”

“And you lost so much time being stressed out and distracted by the mess your mom and I were making.” I let him go and met his gaze. “We can’t have any of that back, but we can make up for it going forward. That’s why I’m in Pittsburgh now. That’s why I’m…” I gestured at our surroundings.

Chris managed a small smile. “I’m glad you came. On the trip, and to Pittsburgh.” He sat back and exhaled. “I know it took a long time for us to get back to—for us to talk again. But I’m glad we got there.”

“Me too.”

“And I think the baby coming along has put a lot of things into perspective. Like just the thought of my kid not wanting me in his life…” He pressed his lips together, and his features threatened to crumple.

“I get that. But I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

He looked at me, eyes a little wet around the edges.

“You’ve got a good heart,” I continued. “And you’re nowhere near the dumbass I was the day someone handed me a newborn.”

At that, Chris laughed, which seemed to crack through some of the tension. “You and Mom figured it out, though, didn’t you?”

I wobbled my hand in the air. “I mean, we kept you kids alive? We got you through school? But I don’t imagine our overall parenting report card was all As.”

He chuckled softly, looking down at his hands. “Maybe. I don’t know.” He chewed his lip. When he looked at me again, renewed worry creased his brow. “When Nick was born—were you scared? Not—Not about being a dad, but about something happening to him or Mom?”

I weighed how to answer. The truth was I’d been terrified, but I also knew he was staring down the same barrel I’d been looking down back then. He probably wanted honesty, but also reassurance, and it was hard to find the happy medium between the two.

Finally, I went with, “Of course I was scared. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I’d heard all the same horror stories you have.” I shrugged. “There’s nothing I can tell you that will make that go away. But you and Jasmine have a ton of support. The medical system in Pittsburgh is excellent, and she’s raved about how much she loves her OB.” I smiled. “Jasmine and Asher will probably be just fine, and you’re probably going to be scared shitless no matter what. All I can tell you is that’s completely normal.”

I must’ve hit the right mark, because Chris laughed and relaxed a bit more. “Guess that’s all I can ask for.”

“It really is.” I paused. “But if you want to hear about real fear, let me tell you about teaching you kids to drive.”

He threw his head back and laughed for real. “Oh come on! You’re really never going to let that go?”

“Let which part go?” I rolled my eyes. “The one where you put your mother’s car in a ditch? Or when your brother rear-ended a cop car?”