Page 137 of Not Safe For Work

Chapter 32

This whole thing was going to eat me alive.

Thank God Rick wasn’t in the office today, but I still couldn’t breathe. Not with that ultimatum wrapped around my throat, and the pressure from on high pushing down on my shoulders. If my bosses found out Rick and I had split up, I was screwed. And every time I saw one of them, even if they were just passing by the Zone’s windows, the resentment threatened to boil up into unrestrained fury. Splitting up with Rick was starting to become a moot point, because I was going to get fired for bludgeoning one of the partners with a keyboard.

My concentration was shot. Every time I’d talk myself into a simple task, it wouldn’t be long at all before I was staring blankly, not even sure what I’d meant to do or why, only that my mind kept going back to this morning. And yesterday. And back to this morning.

It was impossible to count the number of times in my career when I’d stared down a model or tried to make sense of a blueprint, all the while convinced I wasn’t going to make it through the day, or the hour, or to the end of this project. Distraction. Exhaustion. Frustration. It happened. And every time, I’d powered through.

But this time, there was nothing inside my skull except a bullshit ultimatum and a breakup that hurt way too much for something that didn’t end with screaming and things that shouldn’t have been said.

I pushed the blueprint aside. It wasn’t happening today. It just…wasn’t.

Without speaking to anyone, I walked out of the NSFW Zone. Upstairs, I tapped on Marie’s door with my knuckle.

“Come in.”

I stepped into her office and shut the door behind me. “You have a minute?”

“Absolutely.” She took off her glasses. “You doing all right?”

“What do you think?”

She sighed. “I’m sorry. I wish there was more I could do.”

“I know. I appreciate it.”

“My friend… He’s looking into it.” She scowled. “They wisely didn’t put their ultimatum on paper, so—”

“So it’s my word against theirs.”

“Our word against theirs.” She looked me right in the eye and set her jaw. “Whatever you decide to do, I’ve got your back.”

“Thank you. As far as today, though…” I exhaled hard. “Listen, I’m just not…here today. I need—”

“Go.” She shooed me toward the door. “I’ll make excuses for you if you need them.”

“Are you sure?”

Marie nodded. “Jon, I’m on your side here. Whatever I can do, I will. Including running interference with the partners until this situation is sorted out.”

“I really appreciate it.”

She offered a thin smile. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” I turned to go.

“Jon.”

I looked over my shoulder.

“I’m sorry. If I’d known what they were going to do, I’d have done something. Shut it down, or…” She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

“I know. At least someone on this floor still knows what ethics are.”

We held each other’s gazes for a moment, exchanged slight nods, and I finally left her office. On the way back to the elevator, I admittedly felt guilty for some of the bantering that went on behind closed doors downstairs. For as much as my crew and I had ripped on her for being a tyrant, I knew better. I’d known better for a long time. It was easy to forget when she tore into me or one of my people for something, or when she pinned us to impossible deadlines. The conversation we’d just had, though, underscored the truth that Cal and Scott could never quite see—that Marie was caught in a male-dominated world where she had to play the hardass so the good ol’ boys would respect her. Even if it meant letting her subordinates believe she was a bitch. She really couldn’t win.

As I stepped onto the elevator, I promised myself that things were going to change in the Zone. Marie was a ball-breaker, but when the rubber met the road, she was our ally.