Page 97 of How to Lose a Lord in Ten Days

‘A stir? Are they very fine ankles?’

‘I suppose that depends upon your definition.’

‘Delicacy, in a female,’ Miss Hanworth asserted, ‘is why Aunt Agatha’s so aggrieved by mine own. Boxy, you see.’

Ashford cleared his throat for want of a better response. In all his etiquette lessons, he had not been sufficiently prepared to handle conversations with Miss Hanworth.

‘Have I offended your sensibilities?’ she asked, seeming more pleased than worried.

‘If I had pearls, I should be clutching them,’ Ashford said. ‘I do not make a habit of discussing ankles in public.’

Miss Hanworth looked pointedly left and then right. There were only deserted fields all around.

‘Are you afraid of what the sheep will think of you?’

‘The gossip rags do have spies everywhere,’ he said. ‘Better to be safe than sorry.’

‘It must be so very dull, always behaving correctly,’ she observed. A week earlier and he might have considered this rude, but after the past few days, Ashford was somewhat inured to her incivility.

‘You would be cautious, too,’ he said, ‘if you were as observed as I.’

‘Do you truly care so much about what people say about you?’

‘Is that an honest question? Or are you simply trying to annoy me?’

‘Can it not be both?’ She gave an impudent grin. Bumper, perceiving her inattention, made a lunge for a nearby verge of grass. ‘Have you considered deciding not to care?’ she said, wrestling him back under control.

‘Oh, what an excellent suggestion,’ he said, voice thick with sarcasm. ‘I cannot believe I did not think of it before, now all my problems are solved.’

‘Mature,’ she said.

‘I do try.’

‘I just think,’ Miss Hanworth continued doggedly on, ‘you are young, you are titled, you are not terrible to look upon …’

‘Thank you so much.’

‘What harm can they do to you? Truly?’ She wafted her hands around as she said ‘they’ as if to indicate the world.

‘Harm does not have to be physical,’ Ashford said. ‘Imagine yourself in my position, for a moment. I cannot make a single step, without it being gossiped over.’

‘Everyone loves you—’

‘That is no accident,’ he interrupted. ‘I cannot be seen at a disreputable locale, without my character being called into question – so I do not frequent such places. I cannot dance with a lady twice without my marriage being speculated over – so I spread my attentions evenly. I cannot misspeak without it being noted and discussed and exaggerated – so I do not misspeak. I am careful, every moment, and you may think it dull or deceitful, but one’s reputation can take on a life of its own if one does not control it, and that can make one go mad – why, it almost killed my—’ He broke off. Even now, he did not like to say the words.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said roughly. ‘I did not mean to say all of that.’

‘Do not apologize,’ she said at once. ‘I had not thought – not considered—’

‘Why would you,’ he said, without heat. ‘I am not some tragic figure – my life has been a very comfortable one, but … It is tiring, living with so many eyes and expectations upon one.’

‘Yes, I suppose it is,’ she said thoughtfully.

‘I cannot imagine what they will say about me,’ he said, ‘if we start selling up the duchy.’

It ought to be strange to discuss such subjects with her, given her role in them, but somehow it was not.

‘A great many horrible things, perhaps,’ she said. ‘Though I still do not think that should rule you.’