Page 63 of Vandal Unbound

VANDAL

Tears sting my fucking eyes.

I can’t even look at Daisy.

It’s a cruel trick of the fates to have something so perfectly put into your grasp, only for your hands to be too weak to hold on to it. I’ve known Daisy eleven days.

That’s it.

And now I understand why Knox fell for Maren in less.

Because when you find someone who’s perfect for you in every way, you want to march forward with the rest of your lives. Move in together. Have kids together. Take her everywhere on the back of your bike while she proudly wears your property patch. Make her daughter breakfast and make sure she gets to kindergarten safely.

Instead, while my cock softens in Daisy’s pussy and the two of us suck in air, I have to take myself back. I’ve got to unbox ghosts that I’ve kept drowned in a slosh of alcohol. And that means being honest to my president about who I am now.

It’s looking Havoc in the eye and asking him what I do next.

And I’m not going to be able to outrun everything that happened if I stay here, literally hiding in the softness of Daisy’s body.

I kiss her shoulder. Her neck. The sweet soft spot by her ear, her jaw, her cheek, her eyelid, her nose, and then finally her mouth. I memorize it, because I have a strong suspicion that detoxing is gonna be a pretty grim and ugly process.

There’s got to be something good in my life to keep me sane during those hours. And her name is Daisy.

I reach between us and pull out of her, lamenting the loss and comfort of her body. In her, I was someone else for a little while, someone who felt more familiar. Now that it’s over, I feel as lost as when I began.

“Hey,” Daisy says, sensing my unease, “I know you’re going to go, and it’s probably best and less confusing for Elsie that you do. But just come lie here for a minute with me. Just for a little longer.”

I stare at the condom in my hand for a second before tying off the end. It’s a weird plastic tribute to our enjoyment. But somehow symbolic. My cum on the inside, hers on the outside.

Never the twain shall meet.

I grab a tissue from the box next to the bed and wrap it in it, tossing it to the end of the bed so I remember to deal with it, before lying back down next to her.

She snuggles up next to me and puts her arm over my chest. The room falls quiet, and the panic in my chest subsides.

Daisy rubs small circles on my chest with her fingers. I thread mine through her hair, over and over, letting the curls spring from my fingers.

I stare at the ceiling as seedlings of hope and affection take root amongst all the other emotions I carry. They’re like a lighthouse in a stormy sea.

Let me ease you, Vandal.

If only she knew how she does. How much it means that she didn’t ask me to be stronger, she asked to help carry some of the weight.

I close my eyes and lose the fight against exhaustion.

When they open again, I’m disoriented. I’m on my side, and Daisy is pulled up against my chest. The scent of her is the first thing to orient me.

I lift my watch, and in the dark, it tells me it’s four in the morning. So I carefully extract myself without waking Daisy, grab my clothes and the condom, and head to the bathroom to quietly dress because there’s no way I need a run-in with Elsie this early.

Once I’m clothed, I grab my cut, throw it over my shoulders, and don’t look back. I open the door and step out of the apartment which locks behind me. The sky is still inky dark when I grab my phone and call the one person I know will catch me right now.

Havoc answers on the fourth ring. “What’s up, Van?” His voice is thick with sleep.

“Is Knox at the clubhouse?”

“Nah, man. He left for home when we got back.”

I don’t ask for details of how it went trying to find the captain of the boat. If I get sidelined by conversations about club business, I’ll lose my nerve with what I’m about to do.