Page 26 of Escape to Lighthouse Cove

The way he once would have.

“I don’t know what I’m trying to say,” he resumed, a spike of restless irritation sharpening his voice. “Only through all those years, I got used to speaking for Jem. And I also was a showoff, to make up for his quietness, to be different. And the quieter he became, the louder I did. To make up for it, but also because I could. Because I knew Jem would never outshine me in that way.” She looked confused and he clarified, “Everyone loved Jem.Adoredhim. He didn’t say much, it’s true, but he was so kind and thoughtful, and people justsensedit. You could always tell he was listening, really listening. And he was smart, like,wickedsmart. But not at all arrogant. Unlike me.” A sigh escaped him, a small, defeated sound. “So when I started with the wisecracks, something Jem would never do, I began to believe I was a lot funnier than I was, and I thought everyone else thought so, too, and I just… went with it.”

She cocked her head, her mouth twisting with what he feared was derision. “And you thought you were beingfunny, calling me a broken Barbie and Jacob…” She stopped, clearly unwilling to finish that sentence, and he didn’t blame her.

“No, of course I didn’t.” He sighed and scrubbed his face again. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say,” he told her yet again, even though by now that had to be painfully obvious. “Maybe just that I’m a jerk. I turned into a jerk when I was speaking for Jem, and I let myself become an even bigger one, high on the success of Grob and life in New York and feeling like I was the big guy around town. And for the last eighteen months, since I’ve been on this island, I’ve triednotto be a jerk. But it slips out sometimes, because I’m not spending much time around anyone and Isaiah keeps wanting to…fixme. And frankly, I can’t be fixed.” He dropped his hands to stare at her openly. “So I am sorry, very sorry, that I said those things. I didn’t mean them, at least not… not the way you probably took them, understandably so. Jacob’s a great kid. And he’s an amazing chess player. If he ever wanted to play competitively, he totally could.”

Grace notched her chin an inch higher, her eyes sparkling like silver. “And am I a broken Barbie?” she asked, her tone a mix of challenge and curiosity.

Noah decided he had no choice but to be completely honest. “I don’t know what you are, because I don’t know you,” he said frankly. “But from what I’ve seen, you’ve been through some stuff. And if you’re a broken Barbie, well… then I’m Ken with a hammer taken to him.” His lips curved in a small, sorrowful smile. “Nothing more than a handful of shattered plastic.”

What, Grace wondered, was she meant to say to that? Her mind was jumbled with everything Noah had said, as well as all the things he hadn’t. He hadn’t told her how Jem had died. He hadn’t said what exactly had made him come here and act like a hermit. He hadn’t even really explained why he’d turned into such a jerk, if he really was one, although there was certainly some considerable evidence to back up his claim.

Because he might have saved their lives earlier in the week, but what he’d said had been so very hurtful. But maybe that was on her, at least a little bit.

“You know,” she said quietly, staring down at her laced fingers, “the reason why what you said hurt so much was because it’s… it’s sometimes what I’ve thought myself.” She forced herself to look up at him, even though it was hard. “IknowI’m broken. I spent twelve years in a marriage that was slowly suffocating me, and I didn’t even realize it until I actuallywas.” She drew a hitched breath, semi-surprised that she’d admitted even that much when she hadn’t been willing to tell anyone what had happened between her and Brad. And yet there was more to confess.

“And Jacob…” Her voice tore, because this part was even harder. “I love him so much that sometimes it hurts to breathe. He’severythingto me.” She stared at Noah hard, willing him to believe her because it was true. It was the truest thing she’d said so far. “And yet,” she continued slowly, each word confessed with painful reluctance, “sometimes I’m scared that I look at him through Brad’s—my ex-husband’s—eyes.” She’d never admitted this to anyone, so why on earth was she telling it to Noah Lawrence? Grace had no idea, only that some part of her felt compelled to. “ThatIsometimes see him as… as a weird little kid,” she whispered, “and it both appalls and worries me, because how does that kind of kid get through life?”

She saw Noah flinch at the reminder of what he’d said, and she felt badly for him, because she wasn’t trying to make him feel guilty. She was just trying to explain herownguilt.

“I really am so sorry I ever said that,” he told her in a low voice.

“I don’t blame you, not really. Especially if you hadn’t invited us.” But she didn’t really want to rehash it, either. Maybe it was time to end this unexpected heart-to-heart. “Anyway, we won’t trouble you again. I’ll go get Jacob.” Grace started to rise from her chair, only to pause as Noah flung out a hand.

“Grace… I enjoyed teaching Jacob today. I’d… I’d like it if you came again.” He swallowed audibly, his navy gaze scanning her face. “If you’re up for it. If Jacob is. I’d really like that. Honestly.”

Grace hesitated, unsure how to respond. He sounded sincere and she was pretty sure she believed him, but Noah had already said he was broken, and so was she. That was a lot of damage to be dealing with, and she certainly didn’t want to put Jacob at any kind of emotional risk. What if he’d heard what Noah had said about him?

“I’ll talk to Jacob about it,” she finally said, which was a somewhat stretching of the truth considering her son didn’t speak, but she was pretty sure he’d make his feelings known about his chess lessons.

Noah nodded, accepting. “Okay. And if he’s up for it how about the day after tomorrow, same time? I’ll be ready this time, I promise.” His navy eyes glinted, his mouth curving slightly, and Grace was jolted by just how handsome he was. Somehow, when he’d been being so honest, she’d almost forgotten, but now it came back to her in full force, and it made her feel even more jumbled up inside.

“Okay,” she said after a pause, tearing her gaze away from his. “I’ll… I’ll let you know.”

15

“They’ve gone.”

Noah let out a heavy sigh as he looked up from his laptop. Grace and her son had left just a few minutes ago; he’d watched them walk down the drive from the front door. He didn’t need Isaiah to tell him they weren’t here anymore, hefeltit, but as he glanced at the caretaker standing in the doorway, looking more serious than usual, he had a feeling he was about to be scolded.

“I’m sorry for what I said. I apologized to Grace,” he said abruptly, and then turned back to his laptop, hoping the conversation was over, and already knowing it wasn’t.

“That’s not the point, Noah,” Isaiah said, sounding stern. “And you know it.”

Wearily Noah lifted his eyes from his screen once more. He didn’t want to ask, but maybe if he did, he’d get this conversation over with sooner. “Then whatisthe point?”

“Staying here by yourself for as long as you have been?” Isaiah raised his eyebrows. “I understand why you’ve done it, but it’s not healthy, and especially not for this long. You have to move on. Live your life.”

Noah’s mouth firmed. “I’m not ready to move on,” he replied tersely. In any case, there was nothing to move onto. “And,” he added, hoping this might persuade the old man, “considering what you just witnessed, I’m obviously not ready to be released into the wild yet. I have no social graces.” He tried to smile but Isaiah’s expression stayed stony. “This is what I need,” he said firmly.

“It might be what you need, but it’s unproductive,” Isaiah replied, his voice flat.

Noah stiffened. “Unproductive? What is that supposed to mean?”

“How does hiding away help you?” Isaiah demanded. “How does not talking to anyone make you a better person or less of a jerk?”

Noah felt himself flushing. “Were you eavesdropping?—”