Page 70 of Examining the Bond

“The way you didn’t rush into things when you fucked me in your office?”

Her mouth hardens into a line. “That’s not fair, Riann.”

“Is it not?” My voice threatens to crack. “I’ve given you every part of me, Skylar. My heart, my soul, my goddamn virginity.”

She flinches like I slapped her, but the words keep pouring out of me. All the pent up emotions from the last few days spill like broken glass. My mind flits between softer thoughts to dark, rage-filled ones faster than I can keep up.

I’m getting whiplash from my own mind, despite fighting to remain in control.

It’s a losing battle.

I thought ruts were meant to make alphas crazy with lust, but all I want is to dominate. It's a single word thumping in my heart, an urge begging to be unleashed.

“I’ve done everything I can to show you how badly I want you,” I gasp, the words tumbling from my lips. “I’m not sure what else you want from me.” I tremble beneath her touch as nerves rack my body mercilessly. “What about what I want? Does that matter to you at all?”

My chest rises and falls faster now as my body shakes. Meanwhile, Skylar is a pillar of seriousness. She’s silent while I speak, her eyes locked on me, her muscles flexed and stiff against me.

“Of course it matters,” she says when I finish. “Everything about you matters to me.”

“Then why won’t you give me your mark?” I growl, the sound shocking me. “Why won’t you claim me so I can stay here with you? Am I not good enough for you? Or am I only good enough to fuck?”

All the air feels like it’s been sucked out of the room, and my soft self, the part of me that I really want her to see, is screamingat me to stop. The words coming out of my mouth are too harsh, and I hate that they ring with some truth.

Skylar pulls back a little, putting agonizing space between us. Her head drops, and I notice the tremor in her jaw, the tenseness that I’ve caused. The hurt in her eyes is clear.

For a long moment, she says nothing, and my impatience swells to unbearable heights. I want to apologize for speaking that way to her, but at the same time I want answers.

“I can’t mark you right now,” she says, punctuating each of her words with a pause. “I’m not saying that I don’t want to, and I’m not saying that I won’t ever; I’m just saying that it shouldn’t be something we do on a whim because you’re leaving tomorrow.”

I part my lips to argue, but she cuts me off with a glare. My alpha instincts are still telling me to keep pushing, to keep fighting. The two sides are playing emotional tug-of-war inside me, jerking me around when all I want is to focus on Skylar.

“It’s not just about us,” she continues. “What I might discover in your DNA could be the key to unlocking new knowledge about our designations. We can’t afford to give that up just because you’re leaving.”

“Just because…” I echo. “Just because I’m leaving?” It’s like all the wind has been knocked out of me. “You really don’t give a fuck, do you?”

“I didn’t mean it like that. Don’t put words in my mouth.” She levels me with a steady glare. “I’m saying this because I believe with every piece of my heart that we’ll see each other again. We’ll be together again. I’m not going to stop caring about you, but I can’t bite you.”

A whimper escapes me at the finality of her words, and I’m on my feet before I even decide to stand up. My hands curl into fists as I walk across the room and stare out the window. Asmuch as I want her to hold me and comfort me, I need space before I completely lose my temper.

Before I completely lose control of myself.

The bed creaks as Skylar shifts, but I keep my back turned. I squeeze my eyes closed, trying to rein in my emotions. My breaths come quicker, air punching in and out of my lungs.

I don’t have time to break down, not when I only have a handful of hours left to spend with Skylar.

Hands grab my shoulders and whirl me around, and I find myself in her embrace before I can work out what’s happening. She’s still wearing her sports bra and boxers, but the feel of her skin against mine, coupled with the cloud of scent she’s pumping out, kicks my emotions into hyperdrive.

“Please, Riann, let’s just go to bed. We can talk about everything in the morning,” she sighs softly into my hair. “We don’t have to figure this out tonight.”

This time a growl snaps from me that I can’t contain.

“Then when? When are we going to figure things out, Skylar?” I wiggle out of her hold, backstepping to put more space between us. “Because I’m leaving tomorrow and that will be it.”

I can feel it taking me over, the uncontrollable burning need for dominance, to have things my way, to have everyone submit to me. It’s one of the parts I’ve been trying to escape from. I want to be an omega. Notthis.

“You’ll come back soon for tests, and we’ll spend more time together,” she promises, working her bottom lip between her teeth. “We can talk and make plans and make sure we’re being practical about it.”

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being poked and prodded by scientists. I’m not a fucking pet project,” I snap, the words laced with venom. “I don’t want you to use me, Skylar. I want you to love me!”