Page 66 of Big & Lily

“Give. The. Granola. Bar. To. The. Bear. Throw it! As far as you can.” Lily pulls everything out of her pockets with shaking hands. It all tumbles back onto the ground, and she grabs the granola bar and flings it in the direction of the bear. “The lipstick too,” I say, wincing.

“But my new—”

“Damnit! Do it, Lily. It smells like flowers. He’s going to want that too.”

She does what she’s told. The bear swallows the bar in one bite then sniffs at the lipstick but ignores it. At least he’s distracted long enough for us to make a move. Although, making a move might be a bad idea. Backing away slowly is an option. So is playing dead. Just because I read a sign doesn’t mean I should be in charge of saving our lives. I wanted to go on a cruise with seven meals a day and no apex predators.

We back up slowly, through the brush, crouching and bushwhacking our way toward anywhere that takes us away from here, occasionally glancing ahead—so we don’t trip on rocks or break branches or run into something else with teeth—but also keeping a close eye on the bear. He’s still on the path, and the lipstick is gone. I expect him to come after us, looking for a second course. Instead,he shakes his head, snorts, and wanders back in the direction he came from.

Everything is quiet again, but my chest and ears and a very large vein in my neck are pounding and showing no sign of slowing down, my leg is burning from the bear spray, and I’m pretty sure I finally peed in the woods.

Chapter Thirty-Two

We stomp through the forest, over soft earth and slick rocks and small creeks and rotted, fallen tree trunks, fear still buzzing in our ears. Our boots and pant legs soaked from the tall foliage we are battling our way through. Our only compass the downward sloping of the ground, our indicator we are hopefully heading somewhere that will lead us out of here.

“Someone will find us,” I declare. I say it loudly and with force as if stating my intent will make it happen. “It’s like that book,The Secret.Think it’s true and it will be—or something like that. We have to stay positive.”

“I’m not sure the Alaskan wilderness gives a shit aboutThe Secret.”

“Work with me here, Lily. Please.”

Lily’s mood has been plummeting since she realized she wasn’t going to make it to the Denali sunrise. She had her heart set on it. I guess she needed something to hang onto, a hope she could bring back home. After all, I have my fox. And the feeling that the universe is trying to guide me to find a better path for myself. Today excluded.

“I hate to burst your bubble, Sis,” she says. “But it’s four in the morning. No one is even going to realize we’re gone for hours. We could end up at the North Pole by then.”

I ignore her and continue walking—our only recourse right now—until something wet lands on my head. I put out my palm,and fat, cold drops of rain bounce off it. “Of course,” I grumble. It hasn’t rained once since we’ve been here. But sure, now’s a good time. I’m also starting to thinkThe Secretmight be a load of crap. The raindrops land faster, and within seconds we are in a deluge. Then comes the hail. At first, I think it’s snow—it’s Alaska, after all—until pea-size ice starts pelting down on us.

“Ouch,” yelps my sister. “We have to get under something!” She ducks and runs over to a tall pine tree. Its branches are high enough from the ground for us to sit under, but full enough to stop us from being pummeled. We crawl in on our hands and knees, streaking our palms and pants with thick mud. We huddle together to fight off the chill from being soaked through. Water drips off my sister’s nose. We watch the sudden storm hitting the forest floor. If we were in a cozy lodge, with a fire and a hot toddy, and a large picture window, this would be lovely.

Lily hugs her knees and whispers, “I really fucked up.” She might mean taking the wrong fork, or dropping the granola bar, or spraying me with toxic chemicals, but I can tell from her face that isn’t it. “I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life, aren’t I?”

It amazes me that my sister, the woman who draws people to her with the flash of her smile, who’s been ringless for a week and already managed to break someone’s heart, would think this.

“You’ll always have me,” I say, pinching her cold, wet chin.

“Yeah, although you’re a lot older than me. You’ll die, and then I’ll be alone. No offense.”

I shake my head. Even in the worst of times you can’t un-Lily Lily. “None taken.”

“I mean, I won’t have any kids to take care of me. And don’t say Annie and Cam, because they’ll have Tim after you’re gone.”

“Oh, I’m going before Tim, am I?” Hail bounces off the spongy ground, and we listen to it hitting the branches above us. “I know it doesn’t feel like it now, Lil, but you’ve got time. Time to start over.Time to have kids of your own. You told Ian you couldn’t, and I’m not sure if that was to shut him up, which would have been appropriate, by the way, or because you believe it. But no doctor has ever said you had medically diagnosed fertility issues, right?”

“Eric didn’t want me to get tested because if it wasn’t me, it was him.”

Selfish shithead,I think. I grab her hand. “Well, when we are home, let’s go together. Get you tested. Put your mind at ease.” And mine, hopefully, finally. “Then you can move forward.”

She pulls out of my grip. “Move forward to what? I’m never going to trust anyone again. That kind of puts a kibosh on the whole meeting a guy and starting a family thing. And I might not have run out of time yet, but I will soon. Nope, the store will be my baby. If I can keep it.”

“That store is nothing without you. Eric is just the muscle. Muscle doesn’t bring people a great night’s sleep. Muscle moves inventory off trucks. You can hire someone for that.”

Lily lets out a scoff. “That’s not true. He’s the business side; he’s the money side. And that fucking guy can charm the pants off anyone, when he wants to. Excuse the expression. Shit, I don’t want to lose the shop. It’s such a brilliant concept. A once-in-a-lifetime idea.”

I wince, and she sees it.

“You know, Big, I should have said this a long time ago. I haven’t forgotten whose idea Sweet Dreams really was. I guess I thought you weren’t serious about it, your life was so full. You had everything you always wanted, and I figured you didn’t care. It was one of a million ideas you throw out there and laugh about and then go back to your kids and husband and making them an amazing home. I guess I thought it was okay to pick it up. I guess because I was jealous. I mean, am jealous.”

Jealous.She’s never used that word before.