Page 44 of Big & Lily

Brick shoves his hands in his pockets as we walk along the road to camp. “I didn’t say that, specifically. I’m saying we have a few days left, and there is plenty to receive from the wilderness if you have the space to accept it.”

“So, let go of something to have room for something else?”

He laughs at my interpretation of his message. “Yes, something like that,” he says.

When we get back to camp, the fire is no longer smoldering, the lights in the barn are out, and the door is shut. We startle a rabbit who thought everyone had gone to bed, and as it darts off, we hear an owl hoot in the woods. I take a deep breath.

“Thank you for tonight,” I say, laying a hand on Brick’s arm, but pull it back quickly. Not going there again. “I’m sorry. Again. No more trouble from me.”

Brick holds up his palm up. “No trouble at all.”

“I’ve got to go to bed,” I say. “I promise, normal Bridget will be back in the morning to replace this ridiculous one.”

“I had fun, Bridget. And don’t forget what I said. Gifts await.”

“For now, I’m worried about what gift awaits me in my cabin.”

This time when I turn the knob, it clicks easily. I still open the door slowly, afraid of what I’ll see. Fortunately, Lily is alone in bed, sleeping with her back to me, her ribcage rising and falling with each deep breath. Angelic, almost, if you didn’t count the adultery part.

Had the situation been reversed, which is a laugh, Lily would have been all over me, shaking me out of my sleep, sharp knees in my back as she bounced on my bed, demanding I spill it all. I don’t have it in me; I don’t want to hear it, not with a belly full of liquor and a head spinning over my performance during this evening. I’ll deal with my sister tomorrow.

Chapter Twenty-One

When I wake up, with my tongue thick, my eyes blurry, and those shots screaming to make a return appearance one way or the other, Lily is gone. Her bed is a tangle of twisted sheets and blankets that immediately sends an image to my brain I want no part of, even without a hangover. I pull my own bedding up to my chin and stare at the bleached moose antlers. Pieces of my own indiscretion last night come back to me. Me, giddy and giggling, throwing back shots like a frat boy, and, shit, yes, spilling Lily’s beans. I told Brick that Lily is married, I betrayed her trust. Some great big sister I am. Although maybe she deserves it after that crap she pulled. I’m still so pissed off at her. My head pounds, and I think about those gifts Brick talked about. If Alaska is giving me gifts, so far they are all stockings of coal.

I wish I could stay in this tiny bed all day and not face anyone. Not Brick, not Dane, and certainly not my sister. My wish will not come true; today is the last day in camp. We are driving north this morning—all of us together, shoulder to shoulder in one beaten-up van—to a little town called Talkeetna and then onto Denali State Park, where we will spend the rest of the time before we go home and I can start to forget about this disaster of a trip.

I’m on my way to the barn to see if there is a way to take my coffee intravenously, when I run into Heidi. I’ve decided to stop asking about my luggage. Probably somewhere in Bora Bora right now.Besides, I’m hoping to learn to finally appreciate Marie Kondo—fewer possessions, only the ones that spark joy, means a simpler, happier life. I could use one of those: a simpler, happier life. Although a couple more pairs of underwear would be nice.

“Here’s the woman I’m looking for,” Heidi says. “Follow me. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“You found some extra socks?”

“Better.” She stops at her pickup truck and opens the tailgate and there, next to Koda, who stands guard as if it’s a case of gold bullion, is my luggage. “Ta-da! Just came in on the sunrise flight.”

“Oh, wow,” I say with less enthusiasm than is warranted for all the effort Heidi’s put into finding my lost luggage, but right now, this fifty-pound suitcase it lighter than the weight of my mood. No clean underwear, or fresh leggings, or “going-out outfit, just in case” is going to fix that.

“This thing has seen more of the world than I have,” she laughs.

I force a smile and laugh. “I should probably put it straight into the van. No point in unpacking anything now. And thank you, Heidi. Above and beyond, really.” I think of her brother, who worked overtime last night for a client who has proved to be nothing but trouble.

I’d like to absorb everything he said to me about accepting what the universe has in store and Alaska’s gifts and all that, but responsibility is hardwired in me. Especially out here, where, despite what I promised Tim about having my own adventure, Lily is constantly reminding me of my real role. It’s time to talk to Lily about last night—we need to discuss how we’re going to maneuver our way through the rest of this trip.

I find her in the barn, her hands wrapped around a mug of coffee, a plate of eggs going cold in front of her. She is chatting with Mimi and Luna as if she hasn’t a care in the world. Dane is with Ian at the far end of table. He glances over at my sister butquickly goes back to his conversation. They think they are so clever. I press my lips together and grab a coffee. Not the place or time for a confrontation. I go back outside and sit on the bench by the trees. It would be lovely if Merlin paid me a visit before we go; I’d like to say goodbye.

“Finish up, folks,” I hear Brick say from inside the barn. “It’s a long ride today.” I dump what’s left of my coffee into the grass and go back inside to return my mug. “Seven hours to Talkeetna, but lots of gorgeous scenery along the way.”

Seven hours of close quarters and no chance of hashing things out with Lily, but a huge chance of getting carsick? I’m going to need my ginger candies, Mimi’s wristbands, her pills, a few of the motion sickness bags from the plane, and a lot of patience. I will not last seven hours watching Lily and her new boyfriend without wanting to take a swing at someone.

“Dibs on the back seat!” We all turn to the speaker, and it’s not, as one would expect, the teenager. It’s Dane. He smiles at Lily and winks.Gross, as said teenager would say.

I expected my sister to blow him a kiss, but instead she turns on her heel and walks out of the barn. I try and fail to catch her eye as she marches right past me.

When we pile into the van, Dane does take the back row. Lily sits next to Luna and Mimi in the first one. That leaves me with nowhere to go but directly behind my sister and in front of her paramour. I count my breaths and think about Alaska’s gifts, which had better be damn good when they finally arrive.

After we wind our way out of McCarthy, Brick and Jace do their best to entertain us with the local color. “There you see a full view of the Wrangell Mountain Range, with Mount Blackburn in the foreground,” Brick says. “And down to your left, that’s the ChitinaRiver down there. You all saw it from the air on our first day. Are those otters? Yes, take a look at that, folks.”

No amount of ginger candy is going to save me from the queasiness craning and turning my head back and forth would cause. While I’d love to search for otters, I would also like to make it all the way to Talkeetna without incident, so I rest my chin on my fist and stare out the window at a point in the horizon. Whatever scenery passes me at this eye level is going to have to be enough.