Page 62 of Bless This Hot Mess
Ronald replied smoothly, “The patriarchy?”
“Yes!” Rebekkah shouted. “You two may not have vaginas, but you act like you do. I love you guys.”
Japheth’s voice chimed in, warm and affectionate, “We love you too, Rebekkah. Well, not likethat, because I’m gay.”
“And I’m poly and pansexual,” Ronald added matter-of-factly.
Rebekkah sighed dreamily, “Which is pretty rad. I’m a virgin. You know who I think about when I think about virgins?”
“Who?” Japheth asked, intrigued.
Carrington turned to Suwarna and Emma-Lou, “I always think about Jessica Simpson. And then I think about Chicken of the Sea. And then I get hungry.”
Emma-Lou literally clutched her pearls, “What is going on?!”
“Really though?” Suwarna shook her head, “Have you seen Nick Lachey? She’s never genuflected in front of him? Come on. When I think of a virgin, I think… Hillary Duff.”
Carrington tilted their head thoughtfully, “Why?”
“I just… believe it,” Suwarna replied with a little nod of her head.
Emma-Lou looked from one of her employees to the other and back again, “Am I dreaming? What is happening?!”
Carrington and Suwarna exchanged glances, then turned back to the speakers, grinning, “Shhh, Emma-Lou!” Carrington whispered, “We’re listening.”
“Oh my God! We’re listening to WWJD!” Suwarna shrieked.
Carrington grinned and gave her an awkward little fist bump, “Did youeverthink you would?”
“Not even if it was mandatory in order to get the bumped-up health and dental plan.”
“Do we have a health and dental plan?” Emma-Lou asked.
From the lobby speakers, Rebekkah began to sing and Trinity joined her in perfect harmony,
“God’s not a dude! She’s a dudette.
Look around the world, and you’ll see that it’s true!
Our Mother in Heaven is what we should say,
because God’s not a dude!”
Suwarna beamed, “I’ve never been prouder to work here.”
Emma-Lou stared, mouth agape, “This… this is insane.”
Carrington grinned, “Insanely good.”
LISTEN to HERstory (Radio Edit)
Chapter9
Ware Wear & Wares
Once upon a time, the WWJD switchboard saw less action than a nun’s dating profile. Now it rang like a Pentecostal tambourine every time Trinity hit the airwaves.
But in the hours and days when theTrinity Radio Hourwasn’t broadcast, the station settled back into its cemetery silence. The phones were once again used as paper weights to prop open prayer books, or in Carrington’s case, the latest issue ofUs Weekly. Carrington had been carefully arranging paperclips into the shape of the Holy Ghost when the shrill ringing tore through the stale air of the lobby and they knew the show had started.
