Page 26 of Bless This Hot Mess
Livin’ la vida santo!Come on!
We’relivin’ la vida santo!
Gotta be la vida santo!
Gotta, gotta, gotta be la vida santo!
He’ll make you take your clothes off
And get baptized in His name!”
LISTEN to Livin’ la Vida Santo
Ronald, caught up in the absurdity of it all, laughed and joined in, though he clearly had no idea what exactly was going on. “I love this jam,” he said, interrupting their flow, “but I never heard that version. Your new lyrics are dope. A little dark, but dope.”
Japheth stopped mid-harmony; eyes wide, “New lyrics?”
“Yeah, you know. The original goes…” Ronald grinned, and he started singing Ricky’s original lyrics, “She’s into superstition. Black cats and voodoo dolls…”
“Witchcraft!” Japheth yelled, clapping his hands over his ears. “Rebekkah, you told me you wrote that song!”
Rebekkah shrugged sheepishly, “I sort of… sampled the melody.”
“That was no sample,” Ronald shook his head, laughing. “That was ripped!”
“Yes!” Rebekkah cried out, lifting her eyes to the sky. “I stole it! Heavenly Father, forgive me. I was just trying to clean it up!”
“Make it white?” Ronald quipped.
“No!” Rebekkah protested. “Make it Christian!”
“You made it creepy,” Ronald deadpanned, “but still catchy.”
Japheth sighed, rubbing his temples, “Rebekkah, I can’tbelieve this… you’ve been lying to me about writing our songs?”
“I’ve been… sampling,” Rebekkah admitted.
“Stealing,” Japheth corrected.
“Sampling melodies but I’m doing it for Jesus!” Rebekkah said defensively. “I’m changing the lyrics to be Christian! Is that so bad?”
Japheth paused, then shook his head slowly, “I don’t know. It’s… ethically ambiguous. I need to pray on it.”
Ronald crossed his arms, then scratched the back of his head in disbelief. “You two are a train wreck, and I can’t stop watching.”
Rebekkah threw up her hands, “Are we perfect? No! But you know who else wasn’t? Jesus’s friends. Thieves! Prostitutes!”
Japheth coughed awkwardly, “I think we say sex workers now.”
Ronald, nodded sagely, “Sex is work.”
“Amen! I think,” Japheth added, looking unsure.
Ronald’s eyes widened in realization, “Wait, this Jesus ghost hangs with sex workers and thieves?”
“And tax collectors!” Japheth exclaimed, “And seamen!”
“Fishermen,” Rebekkah corrected, a touch of exasperation in her voice and happy for the opportunity to gently scold Japheth back in front of their new friend and potential bandmate.
