Page 23 of Bless This Hot Mess

“My sexual, romantic, and emotional attraction isn’t based on gender or sexuality,” Ronald explained with a shrug. “So, like, I’m down to get with both of you. You’re freaky. In a good way. I think.”

Rebekkah’s eyes went wide, not quite sure what to make of that, “We’re not…”

Japheth, practically choking on his words, tried to clarify, “We’ve never…”

“Why not?” Ronald asked, shrugging and starting to dribble the ball. “You’re both cute.”

“We’re virgins!” Rebekkah blurted out, her face red.

Ronald stopped dribbling, staring at them in disbelief, “For real?”

Japheth shifted uncomfortably, “We have very full and real inner romantic and sexual lives…”

“You do?” Rebekkah asked, her eyebrows arched in surprise.

“Look,” Japheth continued, his face flushed, “we’ve just never, you know, done the deed.”

Ronald’s grin widened, his amusement palpable, “I’m lost. So, you want me in your throuple that has never had sex and never has sex?”

Rebekkah, now thoroughly flustered, blurted out, “We’re a band. We want you in ourband!”

“No sex?” Ronald asked, sounding genuinely disappointed.

Japheth hesitated, tilting his head, “Mmm…”

“Mmm-mmmm,” Rebekkah said firmly, shaking her head.

Ronald dribbled the ball absentmindedly, “I don’t know…”

“This is a huge opportunity,” Rebekkah pressed. “You know how WWJD never announced a winner for the1999 WWJD Not Short on Talenttalent show?”

Ronald crossed his arms, “I was robbed.”

“They want to choose a winner,” Japheth explained quickly. “And they want that winner to be us. Like, allthree of us together!”

Japheth and Rebekkah stood frozen, their hopeful gazes locked on Ronald as the rhythmic sound of the basketball bouncing on the pavement punctuated the air. For a moment, the tension was thick, each beat of the ball representing the ticking time bomb of their combined dreams. Then, the court fell silent, save for the muted squeaks of Ronald’s sneakers as he paced back and forth.

“I can’t,” Ronald finally said, his voice firm, but not unkind.

Rebekkah blinked, stunned by Ronald’s sudden change in demeanour. She was so sure they had him. “What do you mean, you can’t?” she demanded, her voice quivering slightly.

Japheth, standing next to her, felt his hope deflate like a punctured basketball. “But… why?”

Ronald sighed, wiping the sweat from his brow and glancing at the basketball cradled under his arm. “Look,” he said, as though trying to let them down gently, “I love to sing, and I clean up on the court, but… why should I join your band? What’s in it for me?”

Rebekkah jumped in without missing a beat, “You’d get a weekly radio show…”

“Fame!” Japheth added dramatically, stretching the word and painting it across the sky with a broad sweep of his arm.

“And that Kia Rio?” Ronald asked, his eyebrows raising in hopeful anticipation.

Japheth cringed, “They’re, uh… not sure about the car.”

“What?!” Ronald looked genuinely taken aback, like this could be the deal breaker.

“I know, it’s criminal,” Japheth sympathized, shaking his head, “but it’s still a great opportunity!”

Ronald spun the basketball on his finger, a casual, fluid motion. “So, why me? Why now?”