Page 11 of Bless This Hot Mess

“And you’re gone so fast, yeah, oh!”

And then together in perfect harmony, they continued the song that though very upbeat was still surprisingly appropriate for the funeral.

“So, hold tight to the ones who still despair,

‘cause at your wake, they’ll be in those folding chairs.

And when you get old and start losing your hair,

who gets your ashes? Do you even care?

Can you tell me if you care?

Yeah–ee-yeah-eee-yeah-ee-yeah!”

Suwarna stared at the duo, then turned to Emma-Lou, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I don’t know,” Emma-Lou groaned, rubbing her temples. “I can’t hear myself think over all those vocal runs.”

Japheth and Rebekkah had started stomping their feet and clapping along with the chorus and a few people had joined in with them,

“MMMBless, ba duba da ba do DROP.

Bury it or burn it up. Ba dube bop, ba duba dop ba du.

Yeah, eee-yeah-ee-yeah. MMMBless, ba duba da ba do DROP.

Scatter your ashes from a rowboat ba du yeah!”

“Stop thinking andlisten,” Suwarna insisted. “That dolled up denim duo could be the answer to your prayer.”

“No.” Carrington raised an eyebrow, eyeing Japheth and Rebekkah with skepticism. “No one should wear that much denim, even if the bedazzling is dazzling. Her pink fluffy hat is very Pam Anderson inspired, I’m not beyond giving credit where credit is due. They sound great, but you’re not suggesting those two sparkly hillbillies be the new faces of WWJD?”

“We still haven’t announced a winner for the1999 Not Short on Talenttalent show,” Suwarna pointed out.

“Well, that’s because we never got to…” Emma-Lou sighed, “...because my parents…”

“Emma-Lou, this might be your chance to step into those big shoes of your parents and make a bold decision. A decision that could save WWJD… and your life.”

“Stop being dramatic,” Emma-Lou grumbled.

“If you don’t want to comeback as a tadpole sooner than you’d like,” Suwarna pressed, “I think you should strongly consider what I’m saying.”

Japheth stepped forward with a hand over his heart as he belted out,

“Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant me instead!

Wrap me up in a mushroom spore bed.

Let a little seedling sprout from my head.

It’s sustainable to be dead,

in your new eco-friendly bed!”

As Japheth crossed his legs and spun in a Michael Jacksonesque circle, Rebekkah took his place and asked the crowd in song,

“Will your ghost still roam the halls?