Page 109 of Bless This Hot Mess

“Romantic,” Suwarna deadpanned.

“I thought I was going to die and also throw up,” Japheth admitted.

“Not on my outfit! You didn’t, did you?” Carrington clutched their cameo clasp.

Japheth shook his head, “And then he rolled up in a Maserati.”

“A Maserati?” Ronald cut in dreamily.

“Metallic black, this year’s model, I think?” Japheth nodded. “The engine did this… purring thing. I don’t really care about cars, but it was actually pretty sexy.” He went on, eyes glazing slightly as memory pulled him back, “The seats were this soft, dark leather. And he was wearing this cologne that was making my stomach flip, in that excited, kinda dangerous way you were telling me about Ronald.”

Ronald let out a tiny, involuntary whimper. “I want a Maserati,” he whined.

Rebekkah shot him a look as she pulled down hersunglasses and levelled a cool, assessing gaze at him. “You want a Maserati? You betta work, bitch.”

Everyone looked at her and she shrugged. “The station’s gone. Emma-Lou has possibly departed or at least disappeared. I think we can safely retire the forbidden words and phrases list.”

“I am working!” Ronald whined again. “Emotionally. On myself!”

“Unfortunately, I think the Ferraris only accept payments in cash, or good credit, not payments in personal growth,” Carrington said. “Continue, Japheth, you were under the murdery-bridge, in the Maserati steeped in sexy cologne.”

“He had Savage Garden playing,” Japheth remembered. “Just nice and low so we could still chat, but I could feel the bass rolling through me and he… he kept one hand on the wheel and one on my knee. Casual but so, so cool. The whole time he just felt very…” he gestured helplessly like a mime trying to convey what falling in love feels like and appearing to his friends to be pinching pierogi in the air, “Very power steering meets power gay.”

Rebekkah made a small keening sound, “Oh my, oh my…damn, that’s rightfuckingsexy.”

Again, everyone clocked her.

She gave a little shrug, “I’m trying out all the words I was never allowed to say. And you know what? It feels fucking fantastic you fuckety lucky loves of mine.”

“When his hand was on your knee,” Ronald cut in before things got too colourful. “How did you not just spontaneously combust?”

“I was sweating buckets bro, making a slip ‘n’ slide of his leather seats,” Japheth admitted. “And once we had parked to go to dinner, he leaned over and kissed me. And, honestly, I don’t have words. It was kinda everything.”

Everyone cooed together, “Ahhh!”

“Anyway, we went to his parent’s house. Well, villa? Mansion? Chateau? Vatican satellite office? There was marble. There were columns. There were topiary turkeys. There were more religious statues and icons than the Christian bookstore in Kingston.”

“And they loved you,” Ronald said, because of course they had. Who wouldn’t fall for Japheth?

“Who trims the bushes? You need some experience to carve a turkey,” Carrington wondered.

“They were… a lot,” Japheth said, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth despite it all. “Mamma Ferrari kept implying we should take a test drive before buying. His sister Eva did… things with forks that were illuminating. Papà Ferrari interrogated Rino about the station fire like he was running the Napanee chapter of the FBI. But they were kind. All of them. They cared about WWJD. They were shocked about Emma-Lou.”

He sobered, the smile fading, as he continued, “I told them she was missing, of course. Rino’s father looked like someone had punched him in the gut. They knew about the fire already; apparently the whole town thinks God was offended by our Enrique Iglesias cover, but they didn’t know that we haven’t been able to find Emma-Lou. Rino admitted he was the one arguing with her in the office. It was about money. Promises. He wanted her to find a way to keep the station afloat so his family wouldn’t be the only life support.”

“Life support. Hmm,” Ronald hummed to himself and Suwarna made a note.

“I just can’t picture Rino being behind this. He said Emma-Lou ran after him when he left the station. He showed up at Weinus, Weinus & Ware. We all sawhim there, well the three of us did. Carrington, you and Suwarna were still here and then the station was…” Japheth gestured around them.

“Crispy,” Carrington supplied.

“Overdone,” Ronald added.

“Fucking flambéed,” Rebekkah threw in casually, but she was really starting to get a kick out of throwing around the F bomb whenever it suited her.

“Completely compromised,” Suwarna finished and made another note. “Hopefully the insurance premiums are paid up.”

“And then?” Carrington asked. “What happened after the family dinner?”