Page 100 of Bless This Hot Mess

They were ushered through an archway into a dining room that looked like a set piece for an Italian wedding. A long table, dark wood, covered in a white embroidered cloth, sagged slightly under an impressive spread: platters of antipasti, bowls of salads, a mountain of gnocchi in red sauce, a braided loaf of bread that glistened with its lacquer of brush stroked butter, something bubbling and cheesy and undoubtedly delicious at the far end. Candles flickered in silver holders and a statue of Saint Francis watched over everything from one corner of the room, birds and all. Japheth’s stomach, which had been too nervous to speak before, let out a small, hopeful growl in anticipation.

“Sit, sit,” Alma urged, shooing Japheth toward a chair beside Rino near the centreof the table.

Evangelista slid into the other side, already reaching for the breadbasket. She stage-whispered to Japheth, “Rino forgets to eat. Always on the go. When we were growing up our parents made us sit to have dinner, like normal people, right? Rino would be racing home from drama rehearsal, on his way to hockey practice. He’d put one foot on the chair, like that could count as sitting, to wolf down a plate of pasta in five minutes then run out the door. He hasn’t changed, always working, always running. Protein shakes, espressos. Lattes made with protein powder. It’s like he thinks food needs to be able to pass through a straw and two minutes for a meal is two minutes too much.”

“I heard that,” Rino said mildly. “All of that.”

“Good,” his sister replied with a wink. “Tonight, you keep that tush in your seat.”

“You were in the drama club?” Japheth asked.

“He was an excellent Iago inOthello! Very convincing,” his father offered.

Japheth tried to recall the character and the play with little success. He tilted his head to appraise Rino anew, “I didn’t take you for a drama guy. So many secrets.”

“Just like Iago,” Leo beamed at his son.

“Admittedly, sports were more in my arena of interest,” Rino grinned. “Though I do occasionally sing out loud as I skate around the ice chasing the puck so maybe the theatre bug did bite me hard after all. I still play pick-up hockey with a group of guys on Thursday nights, but we don’t get the ice until 11 p.m. It’s cheaper then, for cheap skates like me.”

“So don’t expect him home before 1 a.m. on Thursdays, Japheth!” Alma instructed, as she bustled around, pouring wine into glasses from a bottle with a label Japheth couldn’t read but assumed cost more than his entire wardrobe. Well, maybe not the ensemble Carrington had him dazzled up intonight – but it was certainly worth more than all his vests combined.

“Oh, I… don’t usually drink much,” Japheth started to tip his glass away.

“Tonight, you do,” Leo said firmly. “You are with family tonight. Family drinks.”

“How else will we get the truth out of you?” Eva smirked. She propped her chin on her hand, turning her full attention on Japheth as Alma and Leo took their seats. “I like you very much already. So, any frontrunners on the baby name leaderboard?”

Japheth nearly choked on his first sip of wine, “Baby… names?”

Rino groaned, “Eva!”

“What?” she asked innocently. “If I’m going to be an auntie, I should be the first to know!”

Alma leaned in, eyes bright, “I like Matteo. Or Luca. But if you have a girl, maybe Giovanna. Or Alma, of course. A classic. It means soul.”

“Mamma,” Rino cut in. “First date, remember. Please, please don’t scare him away. We’ve known each other for a fistful of weeks.”

“That is plenty of time,” Alma said serenely. “Your cousin Gilles married that girl from Kingston after three dates. They have a baby now. Or maybe two. I lose track.”

“I’m not totally sure we know what Rino’s long-term goals are yet, in terms of kids?” Japheth ventured, voice climbing a register. “Or mine. I don’t know if I’m… or if he’s… able to like… howexactlywe wouldifwe wanted to, you know, how we might…” he flailed, groping for a phrase that did not include the word inseminate. “Wejusthad our first kiss about ten minutes ago, and it was excellent, outstandingeven, but we’re still very much getting comfortable around each other? So, we don’t even know if we’re…”

“Compatible?” Eva supplied, eyes twinkling with glee as Japheth squirmed. “Oh,Carissimo. If you’renotcompatible with my brother, he’s going to be absolutely shattered. And when he gets angry, he’s just unbearable! Remember when his GI Joes wouldn’t fit in the Lego Landrover he built them? Next thing you know, he throws them all off the Napanee bridge. Poof! Disappeared. No more problem! If you’re not compatible, we’re in for so much trouble. The only solution I can suggest is he’ll have to date a mirror.”

“That is a real possibility,” Leo said, breaking off a piece of bread with surprising delicacy. “He loves a reflection. But come on, he’s got his father’s features! Can’t blame him!”

“I love these gnocchi,” Rino said, clearing his throat loudly, “Mamma, it’s perfect.”

“Do not change the subject,” Alma scolded, but her face lit up at the compliment. “Eat, eat!”

Bowls and platters began moving in choreographed chaos. Everyone talked at once. Japheth found food landing and overfilling his plate–caponata on crostini accompanying caprese salad; capicola and pecorino fighting for real estate; and a generous heap of gnocchi with a light snowfall of parmigiano. His wine glass was being refilled though he’d only managed a single gulp, albeit a big one, for bravery.

“So,Polpetto,” Leonardo said, turning his attention back to Japheth once everyone had a full plate. It was strange to hear the nickname fall gingerly from the hard mouth of Rino’s father. “You and my son. How serious is this?”

“We’re… on a… first date?” Japheth explained, again, gripping his fork like a lifeline and hoping he wouldn’t need to use it for anything but its intended invention. He tried to read the room as best he could, having absolutely no prior experience in Italian family dinners or dating heirs to auto dealerships. He chose his words with deliberate care, “It feels… serious in terms of emotional investment and general physical fascination? But not so far along that we’ve discussed retirement plans.”

“Good,” Leo nodded, as if this were a reasonable answer. “Have you… how do you say, Alma? Have you seen if the machinery is all in working order?”

“Papà!” Rino protested. “Please. No.”