Page 105 of In the Same Boat

‘To prevent two women leaving, who very clearly wanted to leave,’ I continue, really hammering that point home.

‘I know. I know.’

‘Dad…’

‘I know.’

The last one comes out differently. He sounds defeated.

It takes some of the anger out of me, which is annoying because I wanted to stay angry for longer. Anger gives you something to hold on to, to get shit done. But I can tell that he’s cut up about this and I can’t help but feel responsible in a way.

‘What were you thinking?’ I ask him.

‘I thought if I could buy us an hour, maybe two, then everyone would calm down and talk properly.’

I understand but… Ah, it’s only made things worse.

I got us back to the marina – it’s my yacht, after all. I did hope that maybe Sammie and Chrissy would be standing there, wanting to talk, worried they might have left too quickly. I totally get why they did, I just hoped they might have… I don’t know, wanted more of an explanation at least.

I pour us a couple of drinks so we can sit on the deck and talk.

‘I’ve made a right mess of this,’ he says.

He leans back in his chair and looks towards the empty stretch of deck where Chrissy and Sammie had stood less than an hour ago, suitcases beside them, the two of them looking so heartbroken and betrayed. I can still see them.

It’s strange how quickly people can leave a void. I feel like Sammie is everywhere. I noticed the towel she left on our bathroom floor, one of her hairs on the pillow – I even clocked a blob of pasta sauce on the ceiling that I’m going to have to get rid of. Like an absolute weirdo, I don’t want to, I don’t want to remove all traces of her.

‘You really like her, don’t you?’ Dad says quietly.

I stare out towards the marina.

‘Yes,’ I say eventually. ‘We might have thought we were pretending but it was real. I don’t know when things shifted but they did. At first we thought if we made you two uncomfortable, you’d want us gone. Then when that didn’t work, we tried to get ourselves kicked off, which, in hindsight, wasn’t our best idea, but I think we were getting some kind of kick out of doing it all together. Like, I don’t know, we felt braver to do more together, telling ourselves it was an act, that there were no feelings involved.’

‘That makes sense,’ he replies. ‘No one wants to put themselves out there in case they get rejected.’

‘I don’t know when I stopped pretending, but I did,’ I admit. ‘And I thought she had stopped pretending too.’

‘She likes you too, anyone can see that,’ Dad assures me.

I think of Sammie in the water, hand on my shoulder, our mouths close enough for the difference not to matter. The two of us in the club together, finally kissing, then coming back here. I thought that was it, the moment that cemented something between us.

‘I thought so,’ I say.

‘And now?’

‘Now I don’t know.’

He nods.

‘I’m sorry, Nico, I didn’t mean to mess it all up for you,’ he tells me.

‘I’m sorry too,’ I tell him. ‘It says something, that we both had the same idea. I don’t love you meddling in my love life, but I can’t say anything, can I?’

‘Still, I’m sorry I lied,’ he says. ‘About the yacht. About me and Chrissy. About the keys being missing and the… hostage situation. I’m sorry about all of it.’

‘I know.’

‘It started out fake for us too,’ he says. ‘With Chrissy and me. We met at that singles night, realised we both had kids who could do with a leg-up, and knew we needed to do something – or thought we did at least. This was the best we could come up with.’