Page 73 of Just One Spark

"Just keep telling yourself that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"I asked her.

Jovie sighed."I think you're kidding yourself right now.You're telling yourself that this thing with you and Rowan is nothing, but I've seen you together.There's something there, and it's not just physical chemistry.It looks like a real relationship.I think he feels something for you."

"It's definitely physical."That night in the bath was all sex.Sure, we'd exchanged presents, but that was something friends would do at Christmas.Besides, Rowan hadn't said how he felt."If he felt anything for me, he had plenty of time to say something."

"Have you told him how you feel?Do you even know how you feel?"

"I feel sad that our relationship is coming to an end.But I prepared myself for this.This was the inevitable conclusion."

Jovie let her head fall back."You're impossible."

I frowned."Why do you say that?"

"You could be in love with Rowan, and you'd never even know it, much less acknowledge it."

"That's crazy."I felt like I was falling for him, but was that love?I'd never let myself fall completely in love with a guy.The risk was too great.They could walk away or worse.There were no guarantees, and I didn't do risky anymore.

"Just keep telling yourself that."

The line formed again, and we were busy for a while.When the trail closed, we started to clean up, breaking everything down for the night.

I paused."Are you coming to the grand opening?"

She nodded."The whole town is planning to be there."

I resumed washing the counters."Rowan will be happy."

Jovie just gave me a look."Will he?"

"This is his dream.And it's the night he gets to celebrate that with his family and friends."

"You'll be at his side too."

"It's the last thing I have to do as part of our arrangement."

She rolled her eyes."You and this arrangement.Do you ever think you call it that so you can create space between the two of you?So you can remind yourself that it's not real?"

I frowned."But it's not real."

"Sex wasn't part of the original agreement, right?"

"Jov—" This felt too personal to discuss with her.

"I have a feeling you're going to regret this.You've been so closed off for years.Maybe you're happy going it alone.Not having anyone to share your life with."Jovie was slamming things as she finished the cleanup protocol."I'm going to get going."

"Thanks for helping out tonight," I said, wishing she wasn't upset with me.

She waved her hand."The season's over.Call me if you need me."

Normally, I'd tell myself I didn't need anyone.I certainly couldn't afford an employee, but I enjoyed her company.She was a good friend, even if I didn't always let myself see it."Thanks, Jovie."

She nodded, then grabbed her bag and stepped outside.

Was she right?Was I being an idiot?Was I refusing to see what was right in front of me?I wasn't sure about anything right now.If Rowan told me that he loved me, then I'd consider the possibility.But so far, he hadn't said anything.

I didn't want to get hurt by putting myself out there first.Especially when developing feelings was outside of our agreement.