Page 43 of Don't Cross Mo Ellery

That last part definitely might be true.

And I finally have his attention. “The cops are involved?” he whispers.

Bingo. Time to think fast. And thinkgood.

“Oh yeah. The cops? Involved?Majorly.There’s this big-time cop who just got transferred into town, right after a breakup, just him and his, um, houseplant, and he has a real chip on his shoulder about all of it. Oh, and his partner? Phew, his partner just wants tosee some action.” Tond looks positively green at all this, and that means... he doesn’t recognize that I’m ripping off the plot ofHot Fuzz, the last cop movie I saw.

Unfortunately, I have just exhausted my memory of that movie because I fell asleep on Chris’s couch while we were watching it.

Ugh, Chris’s couch.

Ugh, Chris is waiting outside, gotta move things along.

“Anyway, this lady Claudia was the one who called them because she just loooooves the cops, so she made sure they were looking into everything, and I meaneverything, Tond, including me and my possession of these dogs, so now the uh, big-time cop-slash-detective isfullyup my butt about this case, and plus on top of all that, you know, poodles are sensitive, they really struggle with strangers.” I only stop because I have completely run out of breath.

Tond blinks. Like about a hundred times. “I just... need a minute,” he says, pale under the dark mop of bangs.

“No problemo,” I say as he glances toward the refreshments table. Probably needs a glass of water. Or whiskey. I know how jarring it can be to suddenly become a dog parent.

I, meanwhile, am ecstatic. I am killing this UPGRADE! Hannah would be so proud! I Acted Confident. I Didn’t Doubt! I’m already at E for Execute! Let’s doooo this!!!

I pick up the leashes, deposit them in Tond’s hand, manually fold his fingers around them, and give him a quick wink. “I’ll just run to the ladies’ room so you guys can get reacquainted.”

In the bathroom, I do a little victory dance in front of the full-length mirror, feeling light for the first time in days. Then I pull out my phone to text Claudia. She won’t be happy but at least this way I don’t have to tell her to her face.

Me:Well I tried but dogs didn’t sniff out a murderer

Me:So I gave the dogs to Cran’s brother who was moved to tears by my generous gesture

I pause for a second, finger hovering over the send arrow. But I really need to be firm here. Crystal clear with no room for argument.

Me:You and Benny do what you want but I really can’t be involved anymore

I put my phone on silent and tuck it in my bag. I’ll deal with the repercussions later. Right now—time to get out of here.

But there, standing in the hallway, is Mr. Eternal Rest, frowning severely and holding the leashes of all three dogs.

I think I audibly whimper, but I’m in kind of a fugue state so it’s hard to say.

He holds the leashes out to me gingerly, like he’s holding the tail of a dead rat. “Mr. Johnston told me to wait here for you. He said you’d be leaving with these creatures.”

“No!” I say, then compose myself. “I’m sorry, you’re mistaken, those are Mr. Johnston’s dogs now.” I try to skirt past him, but he’s quicker than he looks. He blocks the way so I have no choice.

After I finally take the leashes, he looks at his hands with revulsion. “I’m going to go wash up, and when I return, allfourof you had better be gone from my establishment.”

I nod meekly. “My apologies for disturbing everyone.”

He nods, then disappears to the men’s bathroom, at which point I race back into the funeral room.

Thankfully, Tond is tall, and I spot the back of his head across the room, sticking up from the crowd. I push my way through, elbowing cranky real estate agents and landscapers and contractors to get through as fast as possible. I’m almost to Tond when Jean tugs at his leash, trying to crawl through a pair of legs to get to something. I can just make out the giant red bag and a tiny pair of feet beneath it, which means he’s in the mood for another of Leslie’s purse dogs, and who can blame him—but this is no time for a nosh.

“Jean!” I whisper sharply, and he turns to look at me, irritated. “Later.”

He seems to accept this, but unfortunately, the brief detour took us off course, and a woman with an impressive set of biceps steps between Tond’s back and me, yammering on her cell phone and not looking where she’s going. She wedges me against the wall with her solid and immovable shoulders.

Probably CrossFit, dang it.

Behind me, I see Mr. Eternal Rest peek into the room as he speaks into a walkie-talkie. I hide behind CrossFit, in the clear for now.