Page 19 of Don't Cross Mo Ellery

A brief silence falls over the table as I wipe my nose on my sleeve. You’d think they could polycule me up a real Kleenex, butno. Kenji is anti-single-use products.

“I bet you leave your door unlocked too,” Eva mumbles. “It’s amazing you made it to thirty in one piece.”

“Excuseme,” I say. “I’m twenty-nine.”

“Lock your door,everytime. Tell the landlord you’ll sue him ifhe lets anyone up to your apartment. Get some pepper spray and stay offline,” Eva says, slapping her palm on the table. “There’s your advice.”

Those two helpings of cherry cobbler are sitting like a boulder in my guts, along with some foreboding rumblings. I really shouldn’t eat so fast when I’m stressed-out. This isn’t the kind of backup I was hoping for.

I say my goodbyes and Hannah walks me back downstairs. “Your boyfriend’s girlfriend drives me nuts,” I grumble as I step out onto the porch.

“I know,” Hannah says, leaning against the doorframe. “When Eva gets scared, she lashes out. But she does it because she cares. I bet if you walked back in right now, she’d apologize...” She glances uncertainly up the stairs.

I seriously doubt that, but I let it go.

Because I’ve decided what I’m going to do.

Iamgoing to protect myself,Eva. By beating Poodle Dude at his own game.

I’m going to take some initiative and go straight to the alderman’s office.

Chapter 7

It’s so simple, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. All I need to do is tell the alderman—myelected official—my side of the story. I’m an upstanding crossing guard! Hero of the corner! He’ll see that it wasn’t personal, I was just doing my job, no poodles were harmed, and it was all a big misunderstanding.

I can already imagine the whole scene.

He’ll lean back in his oversize chair and nod slowly as he chews on a cigar. “Welp, that’s my bad,” he’ll growl. “I shouldn’t have come to your apartment. You keep on keeping our streets safe and our kids alive. Just don’t let me see you in here again.”

It’s either that or nobody ever sees me again.

The heady perfume of fear and confidence is making my heart race, so I look up the office address from Hannah’s porch, get a rideshare, and race over before I can change my mind.

The driver pulls up to a block with a liquor store with murals all over the windows, a sewing machine repair shop, an empty storefrontcovered in graffiti, and a “dinner club” with mirrored windows that doesn’t lookentirelywelcoming. It’s not far from my apartment, and I definitely recognize the block because the Urgent Care I’ve been going to for the last two weeks is right around the corner.

They don’t give out paper bags, but they’re nice enough.

Before I get out, I double-check the alderman’s office address on my phone. There are no high-rises in the neighborhood, but I was at least picturing, I don’t know,an office building? Something with an elevator? Or at least a doorman.

What I wasn’t picturing was a janky storefront that looks like it used to be an off-brand Taco Bell. The door is absolutely smothered with posters for art shows and improv shows and dog shows and car shows. There’s no buzzer.Anyonecould walk right in. So I do.

Inside, there’s a vacant front desk with a bunch of pamphlets strewn all over it, and a plant that is barely holding on to this earthly realm.

And then a giant black mop attacks me. Oh god, I didn’t even get a chance to explain myself to the alderman. No oversize chair, no cigar. No grudging mutual respect.

How did they know I was coming?Touché, Poodle Dude, I think.Adios, world.

It all happens so fast.

“Help!” I manage to squeak from somewhere inside the mop, which also seems to have claws, but I’m thrown back against the door, ripping posters down as I struggle to free myself. Why iseveryoneattacking me?

I’d really hoped to live long enough that flashing my tits on Zoom wasn’t going to be the most significant thing in my obituary, but oh well.

“Charlie!Charlie, down!” says a voice from somewhere, and just like that, my life is saved.

The mop retreats and now that it’s at a reasonable distance, I can see it vaguely resembles a dog. I turn to thank my savior, and the words get stuck in my throat.

“I amsosorry,” says quite possibly the most gorgeous nerd I’ve ever seen in real life. She’s holding a clipboard and wearing a button that says, “I’m Tasha, she/her, Ask Me Anything!”