Page 18 of Don't Cross Mo Ellery

“So weird!” I say, casually squeezing past him into the stairwell. It’s not weird at all. I didn’t tell Hannah. I knew if I did, she’d put me off until later, and I am in dangernow.

Butalsonow? I smell somethingdeliciouswafting down from the apartment. I follow my nose up the stairs.

Kenji sighs heavily, and I turn back to him with a shrug. “Sorry, Reuben’s cooking is calling me.”

Hannah’s other boyfriend, Reuben, is currently working on his second cookbook (Getting Even Blacker in the Kitchen, sequel to his first cookbook, the TikTok hitGetting Black in the Kitchen). Kenji’s girlfriend Eva is a big-time photographer who focuses on themes of Puerto Rican statehood, but also does the art for the cookbooks, and sometimes helps Hannah with her UPGRADE reels. Kenji is a mosaic muralist, and when he’s between commissions, he redecorates their bathrooms into glittering dreamscapes that make you want to poop forever (a compliment). And Hannah, of course, has cornered the white-girl influencer market.

They are my MAGA aunt’s worst nightmare (again, compliment).

Hannah and Kenji are together, and so are Hannah and Reuben, as well as Eva and Kenji, and sometimes Eva and Reuben. And Kenji and Reuben are in a casual friends-with-benefits thing, I think? Hard to keep track. Their whole relationship status is literally, “it’s complicated.”

I offered to be their HR person once, and Eva told me it wasn’t funny.

I strongly suspect that Eva doesn’t like me.

But now, after my horrible day, this is the only place I want to be. I’ve got Reuben’s cherry cobbler burning the roof of my mouth because I ate it too fast, I’m surrounded by friends (and, okay, one frenemy)—and I actually start tearing up and sniffling.

“Itoldyou to wait till it cooled off,” Reuben says, washing a bowl at the sink.

“She’s not crying because of the cobbler, Reu.” Hannah touches my arm. “Mo, did you get fired again?”

I semi-successfully keep the pastry in my mouth and the snot in my nose while I bawl through the highlights: I pissed off somebody dangerous, he has a government connection, and said government connection knows where I live.

“Which is bad enough, but then my landlord let him up to my apartment. He didn’t let himinbut—” I pause, letting them imagine what horrors might have befallen me.

“—God, watch literally any horror movie,Roy,” Hannah finishes.

I nod, helping myself to another scoop of cobbler. I knew she’d understand.

“So that’s why I’m here, guys. I need your help. What if—hear me out—you rotated keeping me company at home?” I glance around the table. Everyone’s avoiding my gaze. “Listen, it would only be 24/7 for a few days till I can clear this up. A week, tops. You all work remote, so I figure—”

Eva smacks her fork down, startling us all. “You guys havegotto do a better job protecting yourselves. You think nothing bad will happen to you, so you just open your DMs up to whoever wants to slide in.”

DMs? Youguys?

“I’m sorry,” I say, “what are we talking about?”

“Boundaries, babe.” Returning from the sink, Reuben gently squeezes my and Hannah’s shoulders. “When you’re chronically online, people just kind of—glom on to you. They’ll project their shit all over you. Believe me, I’ve been there. Eva’s right, you have to take initiative to protect yourself.”

I widen my eyes at Hannah likeCan you believe I’m getting lectured right now?But she’s just staring blankly at her untouched cobbler.

“I have like ten followers on Instagram,” I say, my face getting hot. “Youguys don’t even follow me. This isn’t a chronically online thing, it’s an actual threat to my IRL life!”

They all turn to look at me. Kenji leans across the table to touch my hand. “He threatened to kill you?” he asks.

My confidence wobbles. “Maybe not kill me,per se,” I say.

Eva groans.

“Okay, fine,” I admit, “there is a very small chance I am blowing it out of proportion a very little bit. But the alderman did come up to myapartment—” I turn to Hannah for support. “The whole thing was so scary, you have no idea.”

My bestie nods. “I do, I do. I get it.” She’s not facing me, though, she’s frowning at Eva, who’s glaring back at her, and I’m so overwhelmed with love for my best friend who sticks up for me, no matter what. “And the worst part is,” I say, “the poodle was totally fine! Licking its butt like nothing even happened!”

“Oh,” Hannah says, turning back to me. “Maybe I don’t get it.”

“There’s a... poodle... involved?” Kenji asks.

I shake my head sadly. “Three.”